the wine woman

MY FRIEND

You’ve been my friend for over thirty years. Still, we teeter between love and hate.
You were with me for the good times. You were with me when I was down or in pain.
You were my friend when I was lonely and felt I had no other friend.
You gave me courage when I felt insecure, you made me forget.
You’ve been with me to heaven’s gate and then to the gates of hell.
It seems you’ve always been near, within my reach.

At times I hated you, but just when I thought you were gone for good, little by little,
You subtly sneaked your way back into my life.
You’ve always had your way with me.
You, my treacherous friend sometimes made me turn into someone else, a monster.
You made me seething with hatred and anger.
You made me think I wanted to kill myself.
You stole my will.
You made me see from a perspective that was not my own.

You sucked the life from me and yet I found myself calling on you again and again!
You invaded every area of my life, took me up and then dropped me down again.
You usurped my energy and spirituality.
You took my creativity, my intellect, and my motivation to be me.

When we parted you still affected my days and nights. I thought I needed you.
You almost killed me more than once with your wreckless and distorted control.
You lure me into that altered state of consciousness, to be drunk.
To sleep the perpetual sleep, never perceiving reality.
Never to see the true shining star from within.

You are NO FRIEND OF MINE John Barleycorn. You are alcohol, the devil in disguise. You and your associates will not steal my life again. I vow you will not win.

You are socially acceptable. You are be legal. I still tarry with you now and then, but you, John Barleycorn are NO FRIEND OF MINE.

-SO THERE IT IS. A TRUE CONFESSION-

No one likes to admit they are imperfect. We all hear it anyway from our employers, our family, even strangers on the street criticize occasionally. The truth is, no one is perfect, including me!

Today’s post is a true confession. My life has not always been smooth sailing. I made some very poor choices when my children were young. Yes, in part circumstances led me on that path, but I have to take responsibility for my response to those circumstances.

I loved my children with all my heart. I still do. Thank God they love me too. I wasn’t a terrible mother. I was affectionate, and they were nurtured and fed and never abused by my hand. Still, what I had no clue about at the time was that children see and hear 100% more than you ever dream they do. They understand, from a child’s vision, what is happening.

Times when I was divorced and still “trying to have a personal life” were to affect my children for years to come. Perhaps the scars of my innappropriate actions still sting on occasion.

They used to call me the wine woman. I THOUGHT I was simply a woman who enjoyed a glass or two of wine – EVERYDAY. What I didn’t realize was that a glass or two turned into a bottle. A drink or two, into three or four.

Parents – BE AWARE. A drink to “take the edge off” can be lethal. A drink to keep a partner from drinking too much can accelerate your own drinking. A drink can be seductive and will ultimately (for alcoholics – and even for those who consider themselves moderate drinkers) cause damage.

I not only speak for the damage that was self induced in my life, but for the damage I have seen over thirty years of teaching health and fitness. I can honestly say a personal training session 99% of the time wound up to be a healthy confession of the battle of the bottle.

Please take note and consider these words. Man or woman. What alcohol does is change the spirit. It takes a whole person and fragments the personality. It can be violence that is born, or simply the total diminishing of a true spirit; perhaps a blackout. DANGER LURKS close by.

YES – I still have a drink occasionally. I would rather quit all together, but it seems as many times as I have tried, I cannot. I NEVER drink and drive. I NEVER drink more than one drink in a day ( I do not drink every day). The only way I will drink is within the boundaries I have set for myself.

So heed these words as they are true. You have the power within you to not cross over your own lines of discernment. Do not “justify” your actions. Do not act unless you are totally aware of the consequences.

Only YOU can honestly appraise within your heart your stance with alcohol. The damage it does is proven. Combine your intelligence with the desires of your heart and make better decisions for the lives of your children and yourselves.

Remember: NO ONE can judge when you hit the point of no return. Not even you. Just one more drink might put you over the edge.

The price you could pay could be date rape, driving and hurting someone, else or yourself, anger manifesting and an arguement ensuing, an arrest, getting sick and hung over, or blacking out and who knows what! The one moment of clouded judgment  could change your life forever!

Contemplate. Don’t just survive – thrive!

4 Responses to “the wine woman”

  1. Nancy Says:

    I needed (need) help. I typed in a few search words — desperate words — and up come your words. The wine woman — don’t just survive – thrive!
    I too am a wine woman. I too feel it has sucked the life and spirit from me. Please talk to me. I need your help, do you need mine too?

  2. Lamp land Says:

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  4. Marsha J. O'Brien Says:

    You are welcome. I appreciate your commenting and am glad you found the post good for you! I am so glad I am not THAT wine woman any more, and my life reflects it too!
    Have a wonderful evening!

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