One night many years ago I stepped over my limit alcohol intake limit ( NO ONE REALLY KNOWS WHEN THEY HIT THE LIMIT) – by then it’s probably too late to stop.

My husband was having an affair. I had been married a long time and had children. I was livid. I got a baby-sitter and went out determined to drink until I could forget. I did.

Somehow I managed to get around “Dead man’s curve” without adding my name to the list of those who’d gone before me and not made it. As I hit 90 I flashed to my children and drove right to the police station.

I lived in the mountains at the time and was lucky I made it there. I parked the car and marched in and said “ If you don’t put me in a cell for the night I may kill myself or someone else.”

Well, they did. Of course, once I got in there I felt like I wanted not to be there. I wanted another drink. I was still very, very drunk. I told them I had claustrophobia and asked if I could sit in the hallway. They let me.

I ran for the door and it took three officers to get me back in the cell. I promptly tried to flush my blanket down the toilet. I sat in a corner awake most of the night, cold and with scattered thoughts.

Occasionally I would thump my head against the wall hoping to knock myself out so I wouldn’t have to think any longer. Sounds like insanity doesn’t it? When light of day reminded me how much my head was beginning to throb, I stood and looked out the cell bars thinking, “Oh my God, what have I done.”

There are more details to the story, but you get the idea. I am a decent woman. A good woman. It wasn’t me. It was the “other woman”.

Not an excuse – there was no excuse as I could have done damage that was irreparable. I thank God every day that one moment of sensibility permeated the overdose and caused me to stop playing a deadly game. It would not resolve the problem.

The reason I admit this to you is because I’ve been there and becauseI really care– I’ll always be honest!

I want you to have aREALLY WONDERFUL weekend! As you just read, before I go any further, you can see I am far from perfect. I have made almost every huge mistake anyone could make, with a few exceptions. Each one of those HUGE MISTAKES were when I’d been drinking. Yikes. Quite a thought. A lifetime and let me repeat: . Each one of those HUGE MISTAKES were when I’d been drinking.

I am not an evil person. On the contrary, I consider myself a decent and kind person. Evil is not a part of my inherent characteristics, though that “other woman” did reside in my body at times over the years. I hated her then, I hate her now. Sadly, it took me so long to be rid of her!

She was triggered by that seductive lure of alcohol. and in turn, an occasion partaking of various drugs.

The initial partaking was encouraged, I am sure, by alcohol being advertisedas legal and such a cool drug. We see that all the time. Celebrate? Drink!

Ever hear these things advertised?

“Let’s get just a bit more alcohol in our body than the chemicals we are made of can handle. It will be such fun. We won’t know when we cross that line and then after we have so many things we can participate in.

So we begin by laughing and having courage to be bold and feel secure about ourselves. We can say and do things we normally wouldn’t! We think alcohol let’s us say and do what we REALLY want to say – that the TRUTH really comes out.

(The ironic part is that thought is part of the illusion, part of the effect of the drug.)

As the evening progresses the volume increases. Some people may still be laughing, while others may slowly change into raging monsters (perhaps triggered by some word or memory). Others might sit in a big chair and fall asleep, or stand on the bar top and strip off their clothes.

Perhaps we won’t remember anything we do that night when we blacked out. Not when the party got radical, not whom we left with, not how we punched a wall, not how we got in a strange bed, or not how we got home. We might not remember which of the other drugs we may have decided to try, or how the car wound up in the ditch.

Perhaps there is a foggy memory of someone saying “It’s time to go”, and hearing yourself saying, “I’m fine to drive. I’m not drunk. I can hold my liquor.”

Then there is the morning after in which we can enjoy the depression that has set in from
the diminishing artificial feelings of good that we may / or may not remember. Our heads
throbbing like someone is hitting us with a sledge hammer.

Reaching for the aspirin in the medicine cabinet you see the puke that missed the toilet and the sight refreshes the taste in your mouth. It’s all you can do to keep from gagging , to make it back to someplace to sit down.

Your eyes are swollen, that horrible pounding in your head will not stop and you feel sick to your stomach. The phone rings and your friend screams “How could you?”

No memory. The friend hangs up, and all day long you wish you’d never drank too much and swear you will never do it again.

Nope. You won’t hear these things advertised…only how you can get the sexy people when you drink, or how good you’ll feel, or how it adds to any celebration.

Don’t you want to go out tonight to a bar and pay too much money for a drink. Don’t you want to take the chance of all these wonderful things happening to you? Don’t you want to sit with a group of people who will love you so much this night? Don’t you want to hear all the BS each person says, and all the unimportant trivia that will be swapped… and how wrong society is and how we can do nothing about it?

I don’t! I killed the other woman in me! Not soon enough to save some years and moments I still regret. I am not a prude, far from it. I am just sharing facts you all probably recognize through experience or seeing someone else do.

I just want you to think. To be safe. Be honestly COURAGEOUS and REALLY be yourself. Stand up for your right NOT TO FALL into the horrible pit that took me out for so long.

Really – I began with just a drink – for lots of years – but it will get you if you don’t watch out!

It will also weaken your bones, kill your liver, kill brain cells and do lots of damage to the only place you have to live – your body!

Have a REALLY wonderful weekend and don’t drink! Go kayaking, do something else and wake up tomorrow feeling no regrets and physically top notch! If you can’t NOT DRINK, then THINK. I’ve been honest and I am not proud to confess “the tip of the iceberg”.

If you’ve experienced even one of these symptoms: be careful. If you haven’t, watch it.

I love the woman I am today. I remember everything and have no regrets. I want the same for you!


  1. Alexander Says:

    20 years of drinking….12 plus years of sobriety….I would not trade these last 12 years for anything!

    Biggest reason now for not drinking…knowing the damage alcohol has caused society and individuals I would not want to give anyone the green light by having a drink myself.

    I am having the time of my life now…the most exciting thing I do now is to reach out to Jesus as often as I can. Doesn’t sound exciting enough for you, you say? Try it! I have never been the same since!

  2. Marsha J. O'Brien Says:

    Thanks for your comments Alexander. I really appreciate you taking a time to share with everyone your success! . I REALLY MEAN IT!

    I am a personal health consultant and personally feel alcohol is the worst drug. It is legal, condoned, sneaky and robs people of their own soul. It chemically changes people and the Spirit within.

    To clarify, though, this sentence “Doesn’t sound exciting enough for you, you say?” does not apply to me at all. I am grateful for the woman who resides within my body NOW – God is alive and well, Spirit is fully in tact, and my body chemicals are not changed by adding useless alcohol.

    And for the record: Jesus is my Lord too! I believe in the power of His name, the power of prayer, and miracles. Nice to meet you:)

    Thanks again for your comments and accolades to your success. It’s not easy with a world full of folks who would like to hand you a drink, and don’t realize the dangers
    involved on a deeper level.

  3. Alexander Says:

    Thanks! In writing “Doesn’t sound exciting enough for you, you say?” I was addressing skeptics…not yourself!

    Yes, its a crazy world…in a recent “pot” post someone comment that there is no such thing as “pot-oholics”….funny I have seen plenty of people that can not get out of bed without a puff…..sounds like an addiciton to me!

    Anyways, God is good!

  4. lookingforbeauty Says:

    Been there, done that. Alcohol really does destroy self, family, friends and puts a major dent in one’s life. It broke up my marriage some ten twelve years ago. We are really fortunate that we’ve both grown past that and have renewed our friendship and companionship. After all, we started out loving each other. Those good qualities in each other that we love don’t really disappear, but they sure can be covered up by the bad effects of alcoholism.
    I used to say that I had a third person in our marriage – Madame La Bouteille. (Mrs Bottle). I’m glad she’s gone now.

  5. tranalist Says:

    Marsha. It’s been too long. Love the entry. Glad you could conquer. Wondering if the cheating husband is the one you’re still with and, if so, how it was you guys healed the relationship, because you seem so happily married now.

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