An unemployed husband or mate – Beware! Be sure to read to end!

I post this a while back, but I have had such response on it I think it needs to be posted again….this time I am including a response from an unemployed man, and I think EVERYONE should read his thoughts at the end of the post. They are great! (By the way, I made an error on the months unemployed: it was closer to seven month!)
My husband has been unemployed for 5 1/2 months. Thank God he is a non-drinker. Well, to be quite honest, he has a drink maybe once or twice a year, or at a special occasion. The reason this makes me happy is that I can deal with an unemployed husband, but not one that is a drinker.

Here’s why. First of all, I was married to a scam artist who, when we moved, assured me he was looking for work every single day.
I took my own money and opened a small studio and began to teach fitness. After a over a year passed, one day one of my students asked me, “Why is it you work so hard when your husband sits in the bar all day long? I live near it and his truck is always there!”

Gulp! I had no clue. He could hold his booze and disguise the smell (he drank vodka) and I just wouldn’t have dreamed he was a lying bum. Well, later, I learned he was a full on drunkard (I tried to drink with him to slow him down – it just sped me up!) To make this story short – ultimately he scammed me out of everything, I lost the farm I’d worked for 12 years to buy, and wound up
getting a divorce. It’s a good thing he wasn’t bright enough to go to an attorney and try to get alimony from me. I was working. He

Anyway, I’ve been talking with friends and acquaintances, even strangers all over town, you know like the store and the post office.
I am hearing horror stories. I would say 3 out of 5 women I speak to whose husband’s have been off work for a while are going
through a similar problem….the drinking problem.

We know it is disheartening to be unemployed and not be able to support a family. Particularly for someone with children, or with a wife that doesn’t work. It’s the boredom, the free time, the insecurity, the luring nature of having a drink to “take off the edge” that scares me for these families.

The seductive nature of alcohol is that temptation (after all it is social and legal) to have a second drink because the first one made you feel so good. Then perhaps another, just to be social. The ball is rolling now.

Good men can get caught up in this downward spiral.

It is a VERY DANGEROUS cycle….I know from personal experience that alcohol, like any drug, has a cumulative effect – I’ve experienced lies about alcohol, which means maybe lies about where a person has been, which means maybe they are not looking for work, which means one lie leads to another. If a person has a blackout there is a huge danger. You don’t want the unemployed person to have to drink and get into that “fake world” where everyone is your best friend and you all tell each other how great you are – just to regain some confidence. Drinking and driving is another peril. Not even taking into consideration the cost of the alcohol. These days two drinks is the same cost as if you went to the store and bought a bottle! I had this joker have an affair with my best friend during this period of my own STUDPIDITY!

I am not writing this to freak anyone out, but we are ALL FLAWED human beings. I just want to make people aware of the pitfalls that face so many people with an unemployed husband or mate. It is important for you to be on your toes if “things” seem to be changing. Be supportive and do understand it’s tough right now, perhaps even turn the unemployed person on to a job you heard about / or suggest going to an employment office to do part time work / or if you come up with a terrific idea, maybe a career change or a school loan to learn a new career – share it.

In my experience a man can only stay home so long (particularly with children) before he starts going stir crazy! He needs to perform and be secure in his ability to provide for his family….It is difficult enough to contend with little money to live on. You don’t want everything to fall apart.

Remember, too, a man may not want to share his insecurity, his concern, his feeling of failure.
Do what you can and keep praying! Take a breath – this too shall pass 🙂

By the way – THIS IS NOT TO WORRY ABOUT ALL MEN! There are some really good guys out there who can
deal with tough situations beautifully. This is just a reminder we are all human and perhaps insight to help if you can during these hard times for those with a genetic connection to alcohol – and those who simply fall into the pit by circumstance.
” Nothing good comes from boredom. It’s said that idle hands are the devil’s workshop, an old saying dating at least as far back as Chaucer in the twelfth century who called idle hands the devil’s tools.”

“The Turks have a proverb, which says, that _The devil tempts all other men, but that idle men tempt the devil. (Colton, _Lacon_, 1820)”
Now to the thoughts of an unemployed gentleman. He is a winner!

“My advice to the Men: Listen to these women. REALLY listen. Some of the things they say may sound unfair to you, but you have to be mature enough to know what your faults are, and take steps to fix them. Try to avoid the despair too. I know it’s hard, I’m currently dealing with it.”

“My advice to the Women: Patience is paramount. Find a balance in telling your husband how you feel without tearing him down. Be smart enough to tell the difference between someone who is really trying and someone who is taking advantage of you. A good way to tell is to look at the situation as an outsider, friend or family member.”

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4 Responses to “An unemployed husband or mate – Beware! Be sure to read to end!”

  1. Steven Says:

    Your a very shallow person, people have there own problems, life doesnt revolve around yourself. Sounds to me like you need to stop and think.

  2. Marsha J. O'Brien Says:

    You have no idea who I am . I am sorry you took offense, but I have had so many people respond in a positive sense, I am glad I wrote the post. I suppose you took offense because you are of the male gender. I did not mean ALL men….I know many who are honorable and deeply trying to make things good.

    You have a right to your opinion and I respect that. To clarify, I am far from shallow, and I absolutely KNOW the world doesn’t resolve around me. I am trying to help from my own life experiences -I know many people suffering with this problem right now. I hope I didn’t tweak a sensitive area in your own life.

  3. s kaufmann Says:

    thank you marsha i feel your pain life is tough when your husband loses husband lost job but has been alcholic for years so dealing with lose of job has made him drink more it is so hard to see him or live with him its been crazy at times, i pray to god that some day he will wake up before it is to late he will have lost his wife,i have been very supportive wife but he needs more help , he has not hit rock bottom yet and he tries to stop on his own but the drink is too strong for him.we are still married but i have to let him fly on his own and let him help him self i know i cant stop him from drinking all i can do is pray for him and help my self to be the best person i can be , this probly sounds funny but his drinking has brought me closer to god i hope any one else going through this dont give up keep being strong

  4. Marsha J. O'Brien Says:

    Thank you for sharing with us. I lived with an alcoholic and the problem is that “usually” the symptoms will get worse. Just like with any drug, the need for alcohol usually doesn’t remain the same…the more he (or she) drinks, the more is needed for the same feeling. You have been extremely patient over the years. I hope you won’t think me intrusive, but I know a gal who started Alanon (even though her husband quit Alcoholics Anonymous). She’s been going for a year or so now and she said it has changed her life! She has made a great group of friends and learned so much about living with, and/or dealing with an alcoholic mate.

    It doesn’t sound funny you have gotten closer to God through this-I think it’s wonderful.
    God is there 24/7 and you can gain guidance and help through praying. I believe this with all my heart. I believe God has saved my life through pray and types of “healing-mentally and physically-than I can count!

    Thanks again for sharing and keep praying and hoping. 🙂 God bless you!

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