Archive for the ‘kill’ Category

WHY I DON’T KILL MYSELF

July 2, 2014

Since my accident and eventual spinal cord damage that forced me to have my back fused, my life has changed one hundred percent. Even more than the visible injuries, the injuries that are invisible almost make my life JUST a repetition of more doctors and often feeling like crap! Pretty honest, and it’s absolutely the truth.

I know – it sucks. There are days (and I am having one, thus far, today) – when I wish I could just throw in the towel and say, “That’s enough – I am done!”

There is not a day that I can forget I am now disabled permanently. Between pain and the “various” other disabilities, my life is changed forever.

I am also battling with major depression. I don’t really share with anyone anymore the battle I have not to be totally nuts! My poor husband has been stellar, and now I am putting lots of moans and groans, and depression, and down times, to rest…it’s between God and me – and you, of course.

 

Now you might ask then, why I don’t kill myself?

 

First of all, with suicide, there is no “taking it back”. “Whoops! Guess I changed my mind after all!” Besides suicide is the way out for those who don’t call upon inner strength. I am not a weakling – even though a lot of my strength comes from “self-talk”.

I will not give up.

There are several other big reasons, and the first being I am a Christian, and suicide is against my spiritual beliefs. But even if it were not a matter of my spiritual beliefs, even if I believed suicide was okay, I still wouldn’t do it.

It’s not that I am afraid, because I am not. I just believe there is something that is placed inside each of us that gives us, innately, the strength to fight to live. The only time that strength flees is when drugs and/or alcohol drown the true pure spirit.

I believe this with all my heart, and still after so many trials in my life, I fight to live. In fighting, however, sometimes have to settle for barter with life.

Mama told me there are three things I can count on in life:

  1. God
  2. Her love
  3. Change

I find, after all these years of living, she was right on the money. Number three is the one that happens EVERYDAY, and OFTEN without ANY NOTICE!

So here are VALID reasons not even to entertain that thought in my mind (or perhaps YOURS)!

  1. HOPE – I still have a feeling of expectation Perhaps something will change tomorrow. Could be ANYTHING – new cure, a visit from a long-lost friend, winning the lottery, having the best steak I’ve ever eaten, the best sex ever, a television show that is so fun I can’t stop laughing for a day! I would never know if I killed myself. If any of these things could have come to fruition.
  2. Once the deed was done there would never be another full moon to see, a bird to listen to, a book to read, a sky full of stars to gaze at, a beloved animal to pet and love, a child to sit on my lap for a visit in the spring, summer, winter, or fall,. I would miss it all, and that isn’t even the tip of the iceberg, as the saying goes.
  3. I am selfish. I love spending time with my husband, family and/or friends. I love my time alone to regenerate and think and write. I love to find a great bargain at a yard sale. I love to cook. I love taking photographs of people and places. I anticipate perhaps just hope, I will be able to travel to new places sometime. I guess I still like many things that life offers me.
  4. My “legacy” (don’t know if anyone would care besides my family) would be a lie. All the years I taught, and teach stress management and relaxation would be lies. I would have taken the “chicken” way out, and my whole life would have been for nothing.
  5. If there is a blazing hellfire, I do not want to be in it. I suffer when I get sunburned, and to me, fire is the scariest thing I know. I do not want to “burn, baby, burn”.

I think those five reasons add up to hundreds of personal reasons I cannot ever kill myself. Besides, I REFUSE to throw in the towel and let life stomp me out. I do not believe suicide is a natural thought.

I believe it has been placed in our minds by evil, whether it is from a movie, or a terrible murder-suicide, or a song. I also STRONGLY BELIEVE that ninety-nine percent of those who commit suicide either had mental issues, serious ones, or were plied with alcohol and/or drugs. Think about that one. Review the most recent “self destruction” you know about, and I bet there were drugs or alcohol involved, or severe mental illness.

Writing is a wonderful release, and you do not need to have a blog, or be perfect in English, to write your thoughts on paper.

Don’t give up! Besides, what if reincarnation is a fact and you had to come back as a maggot becaue you had killed yourself. Yuck.

Instead – begin again – CREATE your life, and I pray it is better as each moment passes!

I am praying for me too! God bless you and God help us all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just a quick post with two specific thoughts for the day!

June 20, 2014

I read that Friday between 11AM – 5PM are the most dangerous hours to encounter “red light” runners.  Perhaps these are people trying to hurry for the weekend, or whatever their reason for doing it, you will encounter the most people who just keep going through a red light, on this day, between these hours.

Be careful.  I have seen some terrible accidents caused by these people, and yet they often walk away without harm to themselves or their vehicles.  Really crazy driving is just like holding a loaded gun and not paying attention to where you aim or when you shoot!

Locally a woman who admitted to being on meth, and being drunk, hit a twenty year old woman on a small motorcycle, and she killed her!  So just heed this warning and be a defensive driver.  You are not going to get where you are going any faster by being an impolite pig on the road.  (I am not calling you personally an impolite pig, but if you might be – you know who you are!)

You can SAVE lives by using manners and following the rules of the road.

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I am NOT bragging, but just want to relate a little story with a good ending (for me).  I was buying corn on the cob yesterday and a very elderly little lady was looking it over closely.  I was near the bags and just ask, “Would you like a bag?”  She said yes.  She looked pretty grumpy.

As she filled the bag I noticed her bag had broken and I got her another and handed it to her.  She worked hard to get her corn in the second bag.  When she was done she looked at me and without a smile, said sincerely, “Thank you very much for getting me the bags.”

I simply replied, “Well, we are supposed to love one another, aren’t we?”

She then turned her head and looked at me and smiled, and said,”Well, yes, I guess we are.”  Then she pushed her cart and was on her way.

The point of this little story.  All I did was get her a couple of little bags, but in doing so, I know she felt like she knew someone cared enough to do it.  I could feel her being so pleased I mentioned loving one another.  She probably forgot all about it on the next aisle, but I have to say, I felt good about it all day because it was so easy to do a small kindness for someone.  It felt like I had shared something important with a total stranger.  I felt like my “love vibration” may have been passed along to another – and I hoped we all do some little kindness to lighten even a small burden for another human being each day.

Try it, you’ll like it!  Don’t forget – YOU ARE IN CHARGE OF YOUR LIFE  one hundred percent…perhaps not what happens, but ALWAYS, how you respond.  Take a breath, use your intellect, and handle it with class and decorum.

God bless you!

 

This photo REALLY is worth a thousand words!

May 27, 2014

Image

CREATE a beautiful day and be careful on the road – any road!  I read that Friday from 11:00 AM to 5:00 PM is the most dangerous time for people to run red lights.  I have seen some horrific accidents, so please be cautious and courteous.  No ‘flipping anybody off” either…..you can cause road rage, or remember they could be just crazy enough to run into you!  Say a prayer for the offender instead – that person may be going through a difficult time – even a smile might lessen his or her problem.  Manners (like my grandma used to say) make a big difference in your response from others…even on the road..

God bless!

One Days Losses in precious human souls – in One Conflict

July 17, 2013

A cross could represent your son or daughter.  I felt such sorrow when I saw these flags honoring the men and women of our armed services for their service – and showing the loss of their lives during just one day of battle by putting up a cross in the sand. !  I took this photo a few years ago, and I honestly cannot remember which “conflict” it represented.
OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

 

It doesn’t matter.  What matters is that the majority of wars end in loss of lives and no real gain of any sort (at least in the eyes of those who felt the losses).  War is been, has been, and always will be a travesty.

I honor all those who are currently participating in various conflicts, and those who have in the past.  They are doing their duty as they see it, and I back our troops a thousand percent.  I  hope and pray that all these young men and women will come home, alive and in one piece.  Please join me in prayer for these brave military folks, and please pray also eventually war will be a thing of the past…..in my dreams

Do you love your children?

June 5, 2013

Violence and horror in the USA

Twenty-year old Dillon Quick told authorities that he thought about stabbing people at age eight.  It has also been brought to the public’s attention that he had thought about cutting off people’s faces, and eating them.  Articles found in his home include an animal dissection book, and a Hannibal lector mask.

Last night my husband and I watched two programs on television that we watch weekly.  One is  “The Americans” and the other is “Southland”.  My husband likes action shows, and the writing is okay on both.

Do you know how many deaths occurred in eight Quentin Tarantino movies?  Approximately five hundred and sixty!

There are approximately four hundred and forty three thousand deaths from smoking each year, two hundred thousand rapes (female/male) per year,

fifty thousand deaths per year from violence, and over ten thousand drunk driving fatalities  (one hundred and fifty thousand alcohol related deaths) in the USA.  Over one hundred and fifty MILLION drivers were arrested in 2010 for driving under the influence of alcohol or narcotics.

CANNABIS / MARIJUANA – 0 deaths.

What do these paragraphs have in common? Hollywood.  You can watch a movie, television, or something produced in Hollywood on the internet, and you will be guaranteed of one thing ninety-eight percent of the time.  There will be someone smoking, a violent rape, casual and consistent drinking of “straight” shots of hard liquor, shootings, stabbings, horrific and hideous actions portrayed by the “famous” and the “wanna be” famous.

 GUESS WHAT?  Many people are highly infatuated with “movie stars” due to media coverage.  I really love the award shows they concocted to promote themselves, so they can give themselves presents, awards, and publicity.  The millions and millions and millions of dollars these people make is not enough.  Johnny Depp made thirty-five million dollars alone for the movie Pirates of the Caribbean. They even get a pass from our illustrious “wanna be” a star, and king of the world obama.

I know – athletes make fabulous money.  Corporation CEO’s make millions.

Surgeons make millions (however they save lives and do unbelievably wonderful things for human beings sometimes. 

So what is it that REALLY maddest me mad about the “movie stars”?  Re-read paragraphs one through five again.

These people can promote their politics, donate their time for a concert to help raise money for a cause (even though they could each donate a million dollars – and quit asking peasants for help.  They can even open schools for a “chosen” few to educate them.

BUT ARE THEY ASKED TO NOT PARTICIPATE in all the “acting” that reviles everything normal families and citizens consider honorable and good.  NOPE!  They are fed millions to feed the peasants. In my mind, incidents that happen regularly have been washed over our brains repeatedly until we become insensitive to many, and obsessive for more blood and violence.

Scenarios are created by persons who may be just a “bit off”, mimicking

What has become daily food for their minds? 

Little children are placed in front of the television to give two working parents a break (perhaps).  But insidious and questionable materials are presented to these children as early as six o’clock in the evening, and from that hour forward.  Parents get tired.  Tired of monitoring EVERYTHING from television to music, to the Internet, to the cell phone, a parent’s guard is let down “just for a few.”

Honestly, having the Internet available on cell phones has just made the burden more difficult……. 

These are problems WE, as parents, grandparents, friends, and neighbors, must address.  If we don’t get some control the next couple of generations will be OUT OF CONTROL.

Respect has almost become a word unknown to children because of the “no spank” laws that are used to intimidate parents.  I, personally, think a good swat on the behind is an “attention getter”.  I don’t mean a swat to relieve your stress, but a swat to just get a child’s attention.

HOWEVER you decide to handle your children is your business, but GET INVOLVED in their “growing into adults”.  I know it’s rough, and especially for working parents and single moms and dads, but NO ONE else can help the children unless you get involved….don’t wait until it’s too late and the person who gets involved is the parole officer!   Don’t wait until they are pregnant!  DON’T wait a moment longer…EVEN if you have to be the bad “guy”.  You CANNOT be your child’s friend until they are grown.

They are the innocent ones.  They are SCREAMING for your consistent, fair, and REAL attention. 

If you need to, get help.  Read a book on parenting at your child’s appropriate age, counsel with other parents or a church group, and for heaven’s sake, pray! 

I speak with love and from experience regarding these things.  Lastly, put down the wine glass or your drink when the glass is empty the first time.

Don’t have regrets that could have been joyous moments!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please Read This NOW.

May 16, 2013

I am living proof that you should enjoy your life moment by moment.

Never waste a moment when you can say, “I love you.

Never pass the opportunity by to hug someone you love.  Hug that person

close to you. Remember how wonderful it is that they are a part of your life.

Be grateful for small miracles we often take for granted.

Each moment is an opportunity to begin again, no matter what may seem impossible.  We are given life, and it is a wonderful gift.

Don’t diminish your spirit by dousing yourself with man’s enemies –

alcohol, cigarettes, drugs, hatred, vanity, and over-indulgence of anything that can harm you.

Time and circumstance happens to all men.

We have no real control over our lives, though we like to think we do.

The ONLY thing we have control of one hundred percent of the time, is our response to circumstances that come to us.

One moment I was thanking God for the blue sky, stars, my husband, the health of my children and grandchildren, and within a moment my life has changed forever.  I thank God all those awesome things I was thanking Him for have not changed.

I am working hard to recover from something I NEVER thought would happen to me.  For those of you who are following this blog, I will expound tomorrow, but for now I must rest.

God bless you and your loved ones.  God bless us all.  Now go hug someone or tell them you love them!

Important-Urgent-Contagious-Worldwide

January 30, 2013

This is not to make you panic but to KNOW what to do to protect you and your family; particularly small children and the elderly.

NOROVIRUS is EXTREMELY CONTAGIOUS and has no cure except TIME!  This is a new strain, unseen before.

The best way to avoid the norovirus is to wash your hands often using soap and water.  Alcohol-based hand cleansers are not effective against this virus.”

Noroviruses are the leading cause of foodborne disease outbreaks worldwide, and may soon eclipse rotaviruses as the most common cause of severe pediatric

 

Norovirus is a highly contagious viral illness that thrives in colder weather. Sometimes called the stomach flu, it begins suddenly and usually causes stomach cramps and nausea in addition to vomiting and diarrhea. Some people may also experience low-grade fever, chills, headache, body aches and fatigue.

The vomiting can be projectile, and the diarrhea severe, so please remember the virus stays alive for a long period of time – even after normal cleaning.

It can be on an elevator button, a railing on an elevator, salt and pepper shakers in a restaurant…even on dishes that have been watched by a thorough “normal cleaning”.

Most people recover quickly, but serious complications can occur, including death.

Small children and the elderly are highest at risk groups.  Spread the word.  Make sure nursery schools and school officials are aware of these facts.

Those infected with norovirus are contagious from the moment they begin to feel sick until as long as two weeks after recovery.

There is no vaccine to prevent norovirus infection, and there is no drug to treat it; antibiotics are ineffective.

THESE ARE THE best ways to reduce the risk of getting norovirus:

Practice good hand hygiene. Wash your hands with soap and water, especially after using the bathroom and changing diapers.  Teach your children – and monitor them – to wash with soap and water for a full thirty seconds (the length of many short children’s songs).  Tell them to wash heartily until they finish singing the song!

Clean and disinfect contaminated surfaces. After throwing up or having diarrhea, immediately clean surfaces by using bleach-based household cleaner as directed on the product label or a diluted bleach solution (5-25 tablespoons of household bleach per gallon of water). Never use undiluted bleach, but remember bleach is dangerous for children so use good judgement.

Remove and wash clothing and linens that may be contaminated with vomit or stool. Handle soiled items carefully to avoid spreading the virus. If available, wear rubber, disposable gloves while handling soiled clothing or linens and wash your hands after handling. Items should be washed with detergent at the maximum cycle length and machine dried.

Do not prepare food while infected or while you have symptoms of norovirus.

Anyone with knowledge of an outbreak should report it to their local health department.

Noroviruses are the most common cause of gastroenteritis in the U.S. It is estimated that each year, more than 20 million cases of gastroenteritis are caused by norovirus, but this years virus is a new strain.   That means that 1 in every 15 Americans will become ill from norovirus each year.

Noroviruses can spread quickly from person to person in crowded, closed places such as long-term care facilities, day care centers, schools, hotels, hospitals, family dinners, student housing, restaurants and cruise ships.

Noroviruses are found in the stool and vomit of infected people.

People can become infected by:

Eating food or drinking liquids that are contaminated with norovirus.

Touching surfaces or objects that are contaminated with norovirus, and then placing a hand in the mouth.

Having direct contact with an infected person; for example, by exposure to the virus when caring for or when sharing food, drinks, or eating utensils with an infected person.  This makes teenagers at high risk too because of growing attraction to the opposite sex, groups gathering for football games, parties, etc.  BE CAREFUL!

 

Though most people recover – there have been about eight hundred deaths a year…prior to this new strain.  Pay attention and be well!  Share this information.

Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Here is an idea!

January 17, 2013

In a couple of months I visualize myself in my kayak and sitting amongst all the stars the reflection from the sun on the water create. Beautiful isn’t it?
shining water
Good morning, good afternoon, good evening. Here is an idea!

During this time I am physically limited, I would like you not only to count your blessings, but also put some thanks to them while you are actively doing them! It will be kind of an experiment in recognizing blessings and being grateful for each and every one.

I will enjoy thinking of you (hopefully) pain free, doing these daily tasks.

The following list is what I call a small portion of “temporary difficult or nearly impossible tasks” list:

1. Bend down to tie your shoes, pick up a piece of paper or something you’ve dropped on the floor, or set the dog dish down – just do something that makes you bend…then to yourself, say “thank you for being able to bend without pain!”
2. Lift up something to put somewhere else – a basket of clothing, a sack of groceries, a child-especially a child! You might as well snuggle and love them when they are in your arms…then say, “thank you for” (you get it☺).
3. Sit at your computer and write, pay bills, email, whatever you like. Be thankful it doesn’t hurt and you can come and go quickly and without pillows and back rests and pain…
4. Lie down on your bed and stretch in every direction. Pull your feet towards you. Stretch your arms and your legs out and breathe. Stretching is such a pleasure if you remember to do it as such-and it is good for you! Thank God you can stretch.
5. Go for a walk. Go for a little run (I believe running is very tough on the knees, so take it easy). Skip. Jump. Stretch your arms up for the freedom and the joy of being able to do these things at all! Thank God, and if you don’t believe in God – then thank your lucky stars. It’s bigger than us little humans-that’s for sure. Personally, I have always believed in a Creator – however you see God – thank God.

Lastly in this tiny list, just get on your knees and drop your head and say prayers for whatever you like. Include yourself…for years I forgot to pray for me too! That is important. You are important.

Fortunately, I CAN drop to my knees. I just turn to my side, kind of roll off the bed with bent knees, use the bed to steady myself and guess what? It is accomplished. To get up I just use the bed and don’t have to bend my back. Yeah!

CREATE a beautiful day for you and your family and circle of friends. I will be thinking of you doing all these things. AND DON’T FORGET to laugh. Laughing is healing.

I am trying now, while I have time, to write both my blogs and work on my next little book. Don’t remember if I have mentioned that or not. I am not really got at advertising. I self-published a book entitled “A Fine Read for the Thinking Woman” (it is for men too really) – and you can purchase it at either amazonbooks.com or on kindle books. Just look up the title or my name: Marsha J. O’Brien. I hope you like it I have several more I am working on now.

Also, if you would like to check out my stressmanagementmagic.com website, I post many different articles as I specalized in that for years – maybe that’s why my husband of almost twenty-five years calls me “The Human Happy Face” :).

Please pray

May 31, 2012

Prayer Request :  We are asking everyone to say a prayer for “Darkhorse” 3rd Battalion 5th Marines and their families.  They are fighting it out in Afghanistan & they have lost 12  marines in 4 days .  IT WOULD BE NICE TO SEE the message spread if more   people   could pass it on however you do it.  Nothing  has been  in the media about these guys because no one seems to care.  They are : Justin Allen, 23; Brett Linley, 29; Matthew Weikert, 29; Justus Bartett, 27; Dave Santos, 21; Chase Stanley, 21; Jesse Reed, 26; Matthew Johnson, 21; Zachary Fisher, 24; Brandon King, 23; Christopher Goeke, 23; Sheldon Tate, 27.

 

All are Marines that gave their lives for YOU this week- all these men will never reach the age of 30.  . Please Honor THEM by sharing you prayers for their Spirits, families, and comrades in battle.