Posts Tagged ‘blogging’

Another Dream – “Awakening”

June 14, 2018

A Dream melded with Reality – Actually a bit daunting – but true!  Sometime late in May, 2018….

Since I broke my back there have been many residual effects physically that I deal with on a basis between me and God. So many emotions and set backs, so much to deal with physically and mentally. Yet I know many living souls must endure hardships.

The dream last night was the most predominant over me physically that I have ever had. It was terrifying. It almost kept me prisoner. I normally awake at 8AM, but on occasion 7 or 7:30. I couldn’t see the clock that has quietly ticked by my bed since mama gave it to me over twenty years ago.

When I lay down, I closed my eyes peacefully, exhausted. I began remembering the horror that beset my life so many years earlier.

My life had been one of unrest, confusion ,and pleasure melded together in a cocktail of alcohol – with some remorse, sadness; shaken with physical pain and turmoil.

The dream manifested in a home still in construction. The home itself was a giant maze of rooms and windows and people, and it was still being built. I was traveling with someone who gave me love and caused me grief simultaneously. Mixed with memories of past and what seemed the present, we spent time with people who seemed nice but had motives beyond the purity of my mind. It seemed as if the entire place was a nest of normal looking people who were scarred or playing games of sex and violence.

My traveling companion and I parted often while in this house, as the hostess was showing me the projection in the continuous building of the house. He disappeared and appeared frequently enough not to be unsettling.

She showed me the biggest room being built. It faced a prison, both with men and women.
You could see them though an iron fence clearly – walking and being lead here and there. Suddenly officers burst into the room and told the woman she would need to close up all windows facing the prison. The next few minutes were confusing and filled with the bustle of officers and strange faces confronting one another.

I knew it was time to go. I did not want to be there anyway. I thought someone I had believed to be in the prison was with my animals, which was disconcerting. I was compelled to find out for sure. That was the purpose of the trip. It was then the companion appeared. He had been having sex with many of the women. I swallowed hard but surprisingly I was not hurt. I just wanted to leave.

I knew this had happened and I told my companion “We need to leave.” He hemmed and made excuses to keep stopping on the trek. We made our way through the rooms and I politely said “Goodbye, I am leaving.” He chose to come but stopped along the way and was engaged in sex with both genders now. It was a sickness. There were excuses made. His spirit had left him exiting through indulgences. There was no excuse to me for the illicit behaviors.

I was ready to go, sitting in a long blue vehicle that was open and only had two bench seats. It was more like sitting in a futurist ride at a fairground, but it was sitting next to others similar, in nature. No wheels, no steering. He said he needed to do something before we left. I sat.

Then I got up and looked and he was sexually interacting with several men. I had to leave, only to find myself wondering from place to place in what seemed like a number of stores with cobblestone walk ways. I saw a mix of others…some of his kind – those he had known, and many who were in my position. I was exhausted and sat down to get off my feet. They had begun to be numb again, tingling and painful.

I heard music, rather a loud rhythm to music, like a drum in the distance getting louder. All I wanted to do was get out of there. Before I could leave someone brought my traveling companion and said he had caring for him. He had been in a fight and my fraudulent friend was in a state of permanent brain damage, and would be there laying down forever. He was still with eyes closed. It was better. I told him I could not take him and I could not stay. The man nodded.

The next thing I remember clearly was thinking I needed to move and get out of there. I opened my eyes and tried to move. I was in bed laying on my side and my feet wouldn’t move….its happened before for a moment upon waking, but this time it seemed my arms, (one by my side, and one overhead) wouldn’t move. I tried to keep my eyes open, but they began to close and I was in the dream again, with the drumming loud now. I closed my eyes and felt absolute fear.

I tried again to open my eyes, or to move, and though they opened and I was cognizant of wanting to move, they closed again and I couldn’t. I was frozen in that position, literally frozen, but my mind knew I had to move. I thought of calling the dog to awaken me, but words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. I was terrified now. My eyes closed again and I knew I was returning to this place – but I knew I must not do so. I did briefly, then startled myself trying to awake.

I turned to God now as I always do and asked for help. As He always does, in one way or another, He made me know I was going to move. He never leaves me but asks only that I call upon Him for help.

I moved my my arm above my head and wiggled my fingers. I worked my eyes until they stayed open, and began to force my back to turn and my legs to move. It was terrified to be frozen in real time. Terrified. It was not a dream now….I had passed from a state of unconscious life not under my control…. I was coming back. I moved my arm now that was at my side, and used it to help turn me to my back. I felt the sting of pain, and a push behind me.

 

When I first moved, I felt I wanted to return to the place I had just been…I had not gotten the task of finding my dog and my friend completed. That wasn’t it. I somehow wanted, in part, to return. But I was horrified at the thought of laying there unable to moved and with my mind and body fully in another place – one that was filled with fear and one that took the purity of my mind and held it captive.

My eyes wanted to close, but only God could keep them open. The thought of Him empowered my movements and I turned to my other side, forcing my legs and feet to move with me.

I took a breath and abruptly sat and then with feet still not under my control I stood and moved quickly to keep my presence. I ambled down the hallway, saw the dog laying in the kitchen, and he lifted his head and looked at me. Somehow he senses when I am in peril and I was still terrified. I moved from room to room awakening those frozen limbs, my eyes now fully opened.

I was beyond that place and wandering from room to room, until fully separated. I knew I had to write this dream, as I do many dreams, and begin to live in this world again. This struggle with my body movement and breaking loose was not a dream. I feel I am to reiterate – “Time is of the essence. Move, be alive and choose wisely.”

Minutes passed and I asked the dog to sit on the bed next to me, which he eagerly did, as I reached for this laptop to record the nights events and the exit from one real world to the other.

My exit is complete now and I feel exonerated from the night. I was not deluded with alcohol or other drugs when I said good night to my husband and switched off the light.

I am fully awake now. I don’t want to go to that place again. It has nothing for me. I stopped writing for a moment, stretched my neck and turned and looked at the clock. One hour has passed since the trauma of awakening and movement began. It feels good to be able to stretch and move. I am scarred but alive – I never want to be taken away like that wherein I am “almost” unable to return.

 

Many of my dreams are imprinted in my memories for years in my conscious state, though I have never been trapped like that in one before. I do not want to experience that again. My dreams will continue.  This dream has meaning for many to draw from..with understanding and motivation..

Before I could post this, my dog jumped off the bed in panic. I rushed to the backslider and opened it and he proceeded to throw up from the beginning of the patio to the edge of the grass.
Far-fetched I know, but looking at the mess to clean up. I thought he took the remnants of the horrible feelings I had on this bed, in escaping this dream, and he vomited them up .

He feels better now, and so do I.

I have thanked God for the power He bestows upon anyone, no matter what his or her history, for just believing. I have asked and pleaded all my life for things. It would be so remiss of me not to remember to praise and thank God for His power in my life.

I want to dream of flying again. For this awakening I press towards what remains of my living days on this planet earth as a human being. I am grateful.

Statistics – Not boring, I hope – Informative

April 9, 2018

STATISTICS:

Brief definition is Collection, analysis, interpretation, and presentation of masses of numerical data.

Do you rely on statistics to “enlighten” you regarding a subject you are very interested in? WELL STOP IT!

Most statistics are bogus: Fake, spurious, false, fraudulent, a sham, or at least deceptive. Gathering absolutely correct statistics is IMPOSSIBLE.

During this time of healing, I am researching a few subjects to write about, and I have noticed a huge difference in statistical information from website to website.

We can’t just check one or two websites and expect to get statistical clarity. I check multiple websites and read multiple statistical reports. I have already learned quite a bit; never tire of learning new things, or getting new information.

I realize many people, due to which “direction” they lean (if you get my drift) will look for information that agrees with his or her particular thoughts or beliefs.

All I am trying to impart on this post, from my humble knowledge, is that we cannot bet our lives on ANY information we are given. No matter what your beliefs, media presents incorrect information on a daily basis.

So don’t “freak out” if you are told to panic in one direction or another. Do
your own work and check multiple reliable sources.

Lastly, do not just “take the word” of one person if the statistics are regarding something important to you. Bless peoples hearts…someone may have given them bogus material and in passing it on perhaps they inadvertently have given you incorrect statistics…or have a “memory blip” and changed the numbers by accident.

 

A Dream

February 8, 2018

I had a dream, and then another and another – night after night, month after month, year after year. Years turned to decades and I found myself dreaming, still.

Life changed the dreams from beautiful flights of fancy to tears sometimes. Everything in my waking hours turned to dreams. All memories bound together by darkness and restless eyes.

Dreams turned to acknowledgements, wisdom, wishes and the still hope lay in the path to fly again. I saw the future of the core of humans still aspiring, and of those who lost their way. I saw minds turn to stone and move like robots over the dying planet.

I had a dream. All the youthful errors were brought to light and the heart of my heart shone above all others on the browning planet. He was stable and like a rock. He was true, and I was his child and Spiritual friend. All others dissipated like fog in late morning.

I was old and disabled. I passed by a woman who scowled and resented everything. I told her to try to smile. I told her it would make all easier and love would come to her.

I watched young and robust and healthy young woman pivot and turn, with grace and ease. I cried for the exchange of freedom in movement to truth coming. I knew.

I dreamed of the multilevel domes they called stacks. I could see everything outside from within.
Across the glass bridge, everything was transparent and I ran and skipped across it and back to the dome.

Within the confines, which felt limitless, I found myself turning like the tiny ballerina on the music box, again and again I moved with the music in my mind. I spun around the top level of the dome, never faltering, never less than steady. When I stopped I looked at the sky outside and knew I would fly again soon.

“If I could just remember how”, I thought. “I would gently lift, and with my head tilted towards the sky I would put my arms back beside my body. then back further, with fingers together and hands relaxed, still parallel to my body, but behind it now, I would pick up speed and gentle altitude – between the old buildings, now higher in the sky.
Above the empty cities, turning with arms out to my side, above the mountains, above where the green and blue once joined in gentle landscape.”

I remember once I lifted and rose and left the earth.  I flew over the pasture.  I looked down and I was above the goats and cows, and the small farmhouse.  I could smell the fresh green grass and hear the creek below.  I could feel the breeze.  I don’t remember how I came back to my body, but there I lay, still awake in the bed. I listened to the barking of dogs. There were no drugs, no alcohol, yet I had, while fully awake, tasted freedom –  from a time I was restricted to bed to heal from injuries when I had been hit in my car.  I think it was a gift to still my restless heart and strengthen my faith.

I knew I would someday remember again. I was there already within my mind. I flew over small institution cubes where the workers could be monitored, and the core of the common man now lived. Everything had changed. I could see it was near the time.

I lived my life and learned all of it. I did not choose an easy end. I fulfilled my time with grace and still a soft heart.

I awoke and was glad my dreams had finally left me. For so many years in waking hours my mind lived in both the awake world and the dream world. I could not forget either.
But I was meant to learn my lessons and I was tenacious and hungry still for adventure.

I slept and dreamed. I awoke and the light was brilliant. I had seen so many faces in the walls, and floors. I could not be alone and awake, and daydream for a moment that the faces of multitudes did not appear to me.

I was glad to forsake my day on planet earth. I was glad to give up the freedom and treacheries of my dreams. I was glad to be without form in Spirit alone. I knew I was dead. I was finally “as it should be”; as it will be for all – as it is destined to be.

The sky was blue. The stars were really diamonds shining in rainbows of colors, and I could rest and bounce from cloud to cloud. I saw Spirits that had left me. I knew there were Spirits to come. I saw the Man of Sacrifice and Love, and He was the light, and His father still watched over it all. I knew it had been worth it all and I could not recall the time of pain and suffering.

I felt snuggled in love, embraced with truth. I could fly again. Home at last.

I awoke.

I REMEMBER….

January 9, 2018

The difference between positive thoughts and negative ones…is simply a word or two.

Rather than mentioning how much I MISS specific things, as an optimist I will say instead, I have WONDERFUL MEMORIES of things. It is so easy, but we get in the habit of using negative words and phrases, and our minds, being brilliant learning machines, places the words used into thoughts and feelings.

Today I would like to share memories of things I treasure. I will hope and pray that the children of today, though perhaps unable to enjoy the exact memories, will have exceptional memories of their own as they grow into adults.

I remember sitting in a tree when I was eight or so, and I enjoyed the sound of the birds and the big clouds mixing together before a storm. I ate so many tart green apples it did make me ill for a bit – but worth every moment I had sitting in that tree.

I remember how the sound of a train made me feel warm and think of places in the country and the thrill when the engine operator saw me and tooted his long horn. The sound still makes me stop and think….

I remember laying in the grass and listening to silence, while clouds configured into animals and faces, and wonderful things.

I remember riding my bike with my sister to the high school in the evening. There was no fear, no helmet, and no restriction to be home before dark. We dropped our bikes and changed into swimsuits and jumped into the pool. I loved to do a headstand in the water – legs straight as a board.

I remember walking on a downed tree with my cousin on the end of it, pushing it up and down to see if he could shake me off. We laughed and smiled and then went fishing on the river in Kings Canyon.

I remember seeing so many butterflies when the flowers came into bloom. A butterfly would flutter by…The bees came round too when the flowers were in bloom, another memory of joy.

I remember going to a camp where my brother and sister and I floated candles on little lily pads made of cardboard as a show of our faith in Jesus. The lake was brilliant with the light of so many that night.

I remember being scolded at that camp because I let a boy kiss me lightly on the lips. It is not the scolding that brings a fond memory, but because I liked the boy – it was the kiss!

I remember always, with my family, sharing laughter and song. Often we broke into song for no particular reason. We still do.

I am joyful and grateful I was born with something inside my heart than always finds a way to smile and be positive. I believe I was born to love, and in turn, I have been given love by so many people along the way.

I remember as a young adult someone told me “I have the cracklings of a healer” – which to me is wonderful. I want others to feel their hearts almost explode with joy, and their bodies and minds to heal..I want them to KNOW and use the power of the Spirit within.

I am living, thirty years now, with a man who kept his promises…and still does.

Fireflies, bonfires, a church bell ringing, children giggling, the feel of a baby laying on your chest-your heartbeat and the infants heartbeat, the dog laying upside down, sleeping and snoring, the unity of loved ones when Spirit leaves a body, the faith that keeps you going even when it seems impossible, the movement of the foot when a piece of music begins and that rhythm awakens the body and prods it to get up and dance just for fun, a sunset on the beach with sand sifting between your toes, the sunrise in the pines when the smell of coffee and the sound of crackling bacon awakens you, the colors as leaves turn from green to red and drop off of the trees, the dogs jumping in a pile of leaves you just raked up, a child’s eyes as he sits up in a bathtub, after showing you he can put his head under water, the parents gathered together to watch the soccer game with the young children beginning to hone skills in physical challenges, the bravery of a young soldier when he comes home with only one leg and works to begin again, holding hands, a good movie that leaves you smiling and feeling elated, the smile of someone you don’t know sitting next to you in stopped traffic, the look someone you love gives you when they shine eyes upon you, and you know they love you, and oh so very much more……all the miracles of the moments, the days, the months, the years.

THIS IS my year of GRATITUDE for all the memories, and all the wonderful moments of life to come – NO MATTER WHAT!

I pray this will be the beginning of a new and beautiful year for you too! REMEMBER there are a few ways to make it happen.
No matter what happens keep in mind you ALWAYS have a choice in how you respond; make it a positive response.
Prayer works so use it. (Even if you question this, try one prayer a day and see what happens!)
Wake up and say, “This is going to be a very good day.” Turn around potentially bad incidents into a learning scenario, and move forward.
Think before you speak. As ye think, so shall ye become.
Be a better listener.
Love one another – and FORGIVE. We all make mistakes.