Posts Tagged ‘dad’

Here is the Confession

September 6, 2016

Here is the confession. Since my accident and incidents therein,

Too often I fall into deep depression.

 

I know in cyberspace there are fellow humans of like mind,

sometimes we search for answers, but answers do not find.

 

There is nothing shameful about having depression you see,

It happens in this lifetime, next door and across the sea,

It happens to us all -to you, and even me.

 

We are human. We feel love, terror, and pain, trauma.

Depression can hit us all – depression is not drama!

 

I awoke this morning covered with sorrow like dense fog.

Unable to find the departure, chained like a wild dog.

 

“What is the purpose of life?” I thought. My life is changed forever, and not for better.

I had a pity party – a pitiful one – no one came.

 

It was only I, raging like I was waging a war against myself.

Then praying, while rather insane, I placed my mind upon a shelf.

 

At last I thought, I knew what to do. Divert my own attention to something else……and maybe you should too.

 

So I left the room I was working in, took a breath or two and dropped to my knees.

“Give me help dear Lord, I prayed, let my heart feel at peace, if you please.”

 

Here I lay in bed, with laptop resting on my legs.

Writing simple poetry, trying to turn a phrase.

 

If I dwell on my sorrow, and cry and whimper, I will to hell cross the line,

Then I won’t smile or have joy in this moment of time.

 

All we have is this moment to live,

I must turn my thoughts not to get, but to love and to give.

 

I lay here and realize I still can write.

I can see in the daytime, and find rest at night.

 

Within there is a flicker of my light that should shine for many reasons I know.

I will find a few to jostle my memory, and wrestle depression with strength just to show….

 

I can DO whatever I think I can! My sorrows are few compared to many a man.

I do not know how much I time I have left to look at my life – nor days to enjoy.

 

I want to be an example of faith and of love,

I will keep praying for power from that of above.

 

I AM better already, can you read and see? Like I would with a child who needs help,

I diverted my own attention, and the task set me free.

 

Change your thoughts, change your emotions.

Use your wits to climb from the pits.

 

You may think this a silly poem, and some might think it not a poem at all.

But by taking the time to write it I kept myself from a major fall!

 

Do not stumble, do not muddle your thoughts to far worse than it is!

Now what was the stress management technique I used?

Ah, yes,….this is a quiz!

 

Simple and easy what to do – divert your attention – and God will bless you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

PAY ATTENTION!

April 10, 2015

Yesterday I came within a breath of killing a fourteen or fifteen year old boy. I thank God I was NOT distracted, but was paying attention to my driving.

I was going a safe and legal speed on a street near schools. I was in the left lane. Without warning a boy rode his bike directly in front of my car.

I do thank God I was paying attention or he would have likely been dead, and I would have had an irreparably damaged heart.

It looked like he was going as fast as he could and was doing some sort of maneuver to get across to the other side of the street fast. But I saw his face and immediately slammed on my breaks and turned to the opposite side of the street-the lane nearest the center at the same time. I had to turn. Though my breaks stopped me, if I hadn’t, he would have been hit – he was that close.

I again thank God I did not coming “screeching” to a halt, but my breaks stopped me immediately as I was turning into the other lane.

No one had been coming towards me in that lane, and I only just now realized no one was close enough following me for me to have him or her hit me. I think my swerving was in sync with my turning.

He biked to the other side, obviously shaken. I put my window down and he yelled, “I am so sorry!”

I yelled back, “Thank God I didn’t hit you, but from now on BE CAREFUL. He looked as if he was waiting for me to scream and yell – but I didn’t. I just breathed a sigh of relief and drove on.

So many circumstances were right to leave the boy unharmed, and me not grieving along with his parents.

I felt this was important enough to write as sometimes we all get busy while driving.

I don’t drink, text, or put on makeup and drive. I have talked on the phone and changed my music…both of those are distracting too.

Texting while driving is responsible for over 16,000 deaths and is the number one cause of a teenager driving.

Adults do it too. I’ve seen so many adults talking on phone, eating, texting or doing something other than driving!

So many unnecessary deaths and accidents are caused by not paying attention! Ironically, last week I felt like I hadn’t been doing so, so I wrote a note and put it near my odometer. The note said ‘PAY ATTENTION.”

Happy Easter – beyond the “frenzy to buy”……

April 5, 2015

Corporations and the media have certainly gotten an A+ when it comes to the celebration of Easter. The chord they stuck was with children.

Why how can you NOT decorate eggs, buy Easter toys and decorations, and have Easter egg hunts and candy?

Clearly – once a child is old enough to “want” what they see, manufacturers make sure they see it all!

I understand Easter originally began as a holiday that was imported by German immigrants. Today some people tell children that if they are good the Easter bunny will bring them a basket or treats. Some people have their children leave carrots for a hungry bunny who hops all over the world.

Easter is second only in candy sales to Halloween! Dentists must love the holiday!

Personally I wish I had never been sucked into the realm of all of it when my children were very young. It set the stage for reoccurring celebrations.

Some parents compare the eggs with the resurrection. I find no such comparison.

I don’t always go to church, so I don’t make a point of going to church “just on special holidays”. But if that is your standard, I make no judgment one way or another!

I just hope for anyone who believes Jesus is the only begotten son of God, that they never forget He sacrificed His life so we could share eternity with Him.

For some it is a difficult concept to understand…the “why” of it all still remains rather a mystery. But I am a believer. There are some things I simply do not question but leave to simple faith.

I have found myself in tears thinking of the pain and the horror He lived through, and His sacrifices for His children. Sometimes I just smile knowing that through it all, we will be loved and sharing eternity with this precious son of God.

.Celebrate uour faith. Celebrate the possibility of faith. Celebrate the moments you have to live this day. Celebrate love and our Creator.

A strange day takes a Holy turn!

March 16, 2015

I had absolutely NO intention of writing this. NONE at all. I lay down because of the weakness of my back, and I needed to put heat on my back because the pain is overwhelming. I was feeling terrible and thought about the meaning of hope. With all sincerity, I put the laptop on my lap, and the words below just came tumbling out of my head. No forethought, no thought at all of what to write in this post….except to write what is posted below: Verbatim.  I haven’t even re-read what I wrote – 100% honestly!  I will later….
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No wonder we cannot understand why God allows terrible things to happen. It’s all a dream. From a perspective that assumes I have an inkling of really KNOWING all about God, I think I get it.

We are God’s creations, but in order for God to understand the human being, mind, body and soul, He sent His son to see if we are worth all the trouble. Jesus knows a great many of us are, and just needed a teacher to show the Way.

Jesus knows. He understands everything is REAL to us. He knows that pain and torture are real to us. He knows that the suffering of man is almost unbearable – enough to ask God Himself NOT to follow through with the plan. He was also afraid and did not want to face the torture man can inflict upon another. He saw the pain the death of others caused those who truly loved each other.  He saw the questioning of God’s existence when a child was lost…

He had an edge. He could have used his power, as the ONLY begotten Son of God, to perform a miracle and not sacrifice Himself. But He also understood the power of CHOICE that man has within himself.

He chose to take on “the world” and all the “sins of man” to become the ultimate mentor and advocate for God Himself. He died so that when our earthly death comes to take us, we are not lost forever into oblivion. He chose to be our Shepherd and guide. He was and is, the Way, the Truth and the Life.

He took upon Himself, within His mind and body, ALL of our mistakes, and the evil behavior of many of us. He carried the burden to His death….and Resurrection.
…………………………………………………………………..

Here is an absolute post script. I didn’t remember this even until I had written the post, and then the preface. It just came to me. One of those epiphany moments. I had gotten out of bed this morning (and I confess – I have been on a spiritual low for a while) – and I got on bended knees next to the bed. That’s no easy trick for me since my back surgeries. I simply asked that the Holy Spirit be activated and fill me.

I feel at peace right now, and I am breathing easier. Sweet!  I also just read the post, and it is exactly what I do believe but more in terms the common man (myself included) can comprehend.  Sometimes the Bible is a tad difficult and confusing.

A strange day!

March 16, 2015

I could have given up as my keyboard has been turning off and it is kind of distracting – HOWEVER, this has been such a strange day thus far, I need to share it.  There will be two posts today.

The first one was my dream last night:

I saw the large pool and it was so clear I could see how deep it was. No one was swimming in the pool, no one near except a man and a woman who stood near the side of the pool in the shallow area. They spoke softly. As I walked the far edge of the pool I could hear his voice, now gruff and much louder. I could also hear the shrill and obvious displeasure in her voice. Both were talking at the same time.

I walked to the concert area and the group of women who had been practicing for weeks were arguing with four members of another group. I understood after all the practice they dedicated, they wanted to present their interpretation of the play.

I also knew the members of the other group, far more experienced and professional, and they were simply trying to offer suggestions to refine and excite the performances. Everyone was chattering loudly and defensively at the same time.

No one understood the others motives, really, they were just trying to hold on to what was so important it wound up in an arguement.

As I left the hall one frail girl asked a man of questionable character, if he could score any drugs. I walked by them quietly.

I entered the door to the left and saw the group that had been in the concert hall. Don’t know how they had gotten there without passing me in the hallway. The experienced and really good group were discouraged. They were talking about how they had spent years on the road working hard and still were left with a pittance and no place to go at the moment.

Somehow I knew the person who usually occupied the opulent and airy room. The bedroom had been neat, but once I spoke to the owner, and asked him if they could stay the night, and they knew it was okay, they began to drop their bags and instruments and sit or relax, one by one on a bed or chair.

The once attractive woman, now worn and exhausted, began to sing softly. Her sweet voice sent chills through my body as I recognized the words, “how sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me…”

The words faded into silence as she wearily closed her eyes and her constantly wringing hands and body relaxed into a deep sleep. She was oblivious to the world around her. I could see her as a beautiful young woman. She still was beautiful in an ethereal way.

I knew they needed money and I opened my bag to find lots of money. There were rolled bills, a stack of flat bills – topped with a hundred dollar bill. There were several rolls of money and a heavy bag of change. I peeked in it and there were only quarters and half dollars. I had no idea where the money came from but felt pressed to count it.

I looked around and everyone else was either resting on a bed (or sitting)  with a laptop near by, or one form or another of the almighty iphone. Each donned tiny earphones placed carefully at the lobe of their own ears. One man both looked and listened at two different electrical appliances at once, with the seriousness of someone trying to do the impossible “perhaps unboil an egg” I thought.

I remembered going to an enormous “event” earlier. The top of the building looked like the striped and vibrant design of an old time circus. Everyone had prepaid to enter.

I looked around and thought, “I am in the midst of so many things that mean absolutely nothing. Everyone works so hard and pay with the hours of their lives, and then they pay to enter this place and spend all of their money on things that mean NOTHING.”
It seemed preposterous to me.

I came back to the present moment  began to count the cash. The bound stacks of money were different. Some lighter in tones and some quite a bit darker. I thought it might be counterfeit. Then I thought, it’s all counterfeit anyway…bills made of paper that purchase things that mean nothing. I thought of my home. Modest, sturdy, a place to sleep and be tied to day after day. – I paid almost $700.00 in interest alone. Everything seems to be counterfeit. “You pay to live and it’s all meaningless,” I thought.

$5,500 thus far. I knew it all was placed before our eyes (technology, things and money) to snare us into the trap. The almighty we dedicated our lives to brought distance and arguing between peoples. It took without return, except what “appeared” to be a fleeting moment of worth.

I thought all the beauty and things of actual value given to us freely, and how we all seemed to push these things aside for the shiny gold coin. I thought of God and opened my eyes and realized I had been dreaming.

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The second post will be after I grab something to eat.  I felt my stomach hurt.  God bless all those who find themselves hungry with nothing to eat.

Brad Culpepper – Insurance fraud or not?

February 5, 2015

Brad Culpepper, an Ex-NFL player has been accused of insurance fraud!

His case is really a complex one.
I HAVE to take strong pain medication for my injuries and two neurosurgeries that followed – JUST TO allow me to FUNCTION “almost normally”.

Because you can look at someone and see him or her act normally – at least in your visual perception – it does NOT me that person is without injuries or pain! If you saw his intrview he did take off his shirt and show two of the injuries.

I think most insurance companies are a total rip-off anyway. You have homeowners IN CASE something horrible happens and you need help. You have car insurance IN CASE you are in an accident. You have medical and dental insurance IN CASE you need work done on your body or teeth. You have life insurance for years, JUST IN CASE you die unexpectedly. It’s all pretty morbid.

Something many people don’t know is that most term life insurance policies (ones you think will leave your loved ones monetarily set) raise their premiums after ten years of you paying premiums. Most people don’t pay too much attention to paperwork, and my friend didn’t either. After ten years of paying a policy on her husband they upped the payments so high she could not afford to pay premiums, so she cancelled. Her husband died from a heart attack shortly thereafter.

There is a way to keep that from happening. IF YOUR COMPANY WILL DO IT, change that term life policy / or whole life, to “universal life policy” and you may pay a bit more each premium, but the payments will NEVER go up, and the payout is guaranteed the same!

Back to the subject matter! If I had published this yesterday I would have said the insurance company is full of garbage. Now I am sitting on the fence.

I do know when severely injured, pain and even some disabilites can be OVERWHELMNG. I am a Christian so suicide is out of the question – but there were more times than a “few” I really thought I wished I could kill myself. I am over that now with lots of prayers, ( a wonderful God), TIME (an inordinant amount of time), AND pain meds to get managing my pain so I can function and have a little life.

Even with pain meds I still deal with severe nerve pain and “other invisible problems.” I taught fitness for years, but I never thought of the nerves in the body until mine were damaged and some even killed!

As I wrote, some of my disabilities are visible. I have to use a cane. MANY more are invisible to the naked eye. I understand people looking at someone with those invisible disabilities and on pain meds, and think “they aren’t disabled at all!” BS.

DO NOT JUDGE SOMEONE because they are strong enough mentally and physically to “look” like they are fully functional and capable. Would you rather have them whine and cry and be intrusive to YOUR feeling good. You have a right to feel good. I am not going to wear a sign with specifics about my disability and pain.

Good for Brad in continuing his life. That being said, I read that he began mixed martial arts before receiving a settlement of $175,000.00. That is a difficult sport, unless perhaps, he was participating in a very modified program. That is possible. Perhaps in being active and accepting “limits” he helped his body to heal even more in time. That is possible too.

Here is where I stand on this particular subject. I am no one’s judge. No one can jump in my body and feel my pain, nor my motivation to work through constant pain.

Although a part of me says, I am glad he got a settlement. I saw his visible injuries, and he was obviously disabled in some ways, maybe many. I personally know MENTAL injury can take a constant toll on one’s life!

Insurance companies get their money regardless – unless the horrific happens. If he were taking a monthly disability year after year after year, like SO MANY FLAKES and FAKERS do, it would be different. He took a settlement. Perhaps then his tenacious spirit healed him further mentally and physically. I like to think in positive terms. Good for him! At least someone with a history of working and real injuries got something!!!

I find it disgusting that a man with REAL and PERMANENT injuries takes a settlement, agreed upon by the insurance company and himself. and then in their eyes- he should not get better. If he heals any more he is a faker. The healing must stop. Certainly if he is able to participate, working through the incredible pain, and taking heavy duty pain pills, it means he wasn’t really hurt. Come on.

I hope I am right, but again, I am no one’s judge on this planet earth. It is up to each individual how he or she lives life! If you are truthful then you cannot be caught in a lie. If you are honorable your character will excel and the person you are will blossom into something wonderful! If you LOVE, you cannot go wrong!

Have a stellar day. We all have the power to choose how our day unwinds. We have, at least, the power to respond to each thing that happens to us, and that is 100% all the time. I choose onward and upward!

Flu hits children – Know the symptoms

January 15, 2015

Children and the Flu: This year it is serious. At least twenty-one children are dead from the flu. It hasn’t even hit all the states yet. Part of the reason is carelesness. Do not forget to make children wash their hands often. Not a quick wash, but a thorough wash.

Remind them to bend their elbows and cough in that “cove” if they cough. This year the flu is hardest on the children three and under (and older senior citizens).

If your child has a cough, a temperature, is achy or they have a headache – pay attention. Keep them home and take care of them. Even preschool can be the setting for LOTS of flu transiting from one child to another. .

It may be a bit inconvenient to keep the child home, but think of this – is it worth loosing them because of the inconvenience?

Please be considerate of others and also lessen the illness of your own children by really paying attention and taking care of them. Do not misunderstand. I have three children and I know it is a tireless job and no handbook big enough to cover each child and all that can happen.

Accolades to parents as it is sometimes a thankless job that takes you to the brink of insanity. But the children are our gifts, you will make it through, and then some day just when you least expect it, one of your children will tell you they love you and you are a good parent. Your heart will be full.

God bless you and all the children. Make today child friendly and tell them how proud you are of them and give them a big hug “just because.” We need to share this information with others. Pass the word and prayers!

Another piece of music I hope you enjoy! This is an original too!

December 12, 2014

Hope you enjoy and it helps remind you that we are supposed to love one another – no matter what!  Do not let consumerism eat you up.  Do something kind for someone, tell someone you love them, send a friend a letter in another country, write a note of appreciation to someone in the military – and pray, pray pray.

SMILE and have a wonderful day.  It is your choice!

EV – D68 ( Virus) : Children

October 7, 2014

Here is the latest update on EV-D68 (virus) It has now been recognized in forty-states. Please be sure to watch your children closely. The first signs mimic the common cold – (sometimes fever, runny nose, sneezing and coughing).

EV-D68 has many strains. In the fifties and sixties, it was the cause of cases of POLIO, though, it only recently has become a problem associated with serious respiratory conditions – particularly with those with asthma and those prone to breathing issues.

The virus mimics the common cold initially. The cough can be intense, and it can cause difficulty in breathing. Many children have neck or back pain or pain in the arms and legs (muscle and body aches). Listen to your children – they probably won’t read “what the symptoms are!”

As recent as within the last week, some cases are causing paralysis!!

If your child is sick – keep him or her at home! The virus passes from person to person, with a cough, sneezes or even touching surfaces. Sneezes travel at over 65 miles per hour.

The best defense is to have children WASH his or her hands vigorously several times a day. Not the kind of washing that water passes over, a dribble of soap, rinse and done!

Wash clear up to the wrists, and thoroughly. This virus is not restricted to the USA. It is MANY places in the world, so please care for these blessed little ones.

Show your children how you want them to wash. Show them how to cover their mouths, with bent elbow, when they cough. Be vigilant. One child has died in the United States. He was four years old.

God bless you and God bless all the children!

America’s Got Talent

September 17, 2014

I rarely recommend a television show but this one rocks.

If you are looking for a show that has “real entertainment” (and you can watch it with your kids, this is it) The show is children friendly, but the entertainment is for all ages, and this year it is the best ever.

There will be a winner tonight, but I cannot decide whom I would like to win. The balance acts, the magicians, the dancers and singers all all unbelievable. I would book them all if I were an agent.

The top three for me (but not in 1,2,3, order) are Sons of Serendip – The lead singer is not only extremely handsome and sexy, but he is such a fantastic singer. The three musicians are fantastic too. They make BEAUTIFUL music, and seem to be so whoesome and nice.

Quintavious – this twelve year old is absolutely unbelievable – an entertainer with a magical voice. He is funny, modest, and real and I just would love to give him a big hug.

Acro Army – this group you have to see to believe. They are acrobats, and dancers. Fabulous entertainment! Their act is choreographed beautifully and it is very dangerous as well.

WOW. I can’t pick from those three – can you? All the top six are great but these are my top three.
Who would you pick? Of course Miguel Dakota is a very good singer and he has charm and looks too!

The judges are funny and I like them all. So much better than sooooooo many violent and terrible shows. My husband also likes Sons of Anarchy, but I am glad this is the last season. It has gotten progressively violent – visual violence. I counted those killed in the show last night – only twelve persons! It didn’t matter with this show. Last season they killed men, women and children. Lovely example.