Posts Tagged ‘desperation’

Here is the Confession

September 6, 2016

Here is the confession. Since my accident and incidents therein,

Too often I fall into deep depression.

 

I know in cyberspace there are fellow humans of like mind,

sometimes we search for answers, but answers do not find.

 

There is nothing shameful about having depression you see,

It happens in this lifetime, next door and across the sea,

It happens to us all -to you, and even me.

 

We are human. We feel love, terror, and pain, trauma.

Depression can hit us all – depression is not drama!

 

I awoke this morning covered with sorrow like dense fog.

Unable to find the departure, chained like a wild dog.

 

“What is the purpose of life?” I thought. My life is changed forever, and not for better.

I had a pity party – a pitiful one – no one came.

 

It was only I, raging like I was waging a war against myself.

Then praying, while rather insane, I placed my mind upon a shelf.

 

At last I thought, I knew what to do. Divert my own attention to something else……and maybe you should too.

 

So I left the room I was working in, took a breath or two and dropped to my knees.

“Give me help dear Lord, I prayed, let my heart feel at peace, if you please.”

 

Here I lay in bed, with laptop resting on my legs.

Writing simple poetry, trying to turn a phrase.

 

If I dwell on my sorrow, and cry and whimper, I will to hell cross the line,

Then I won’t smile or have joy in this moment of time.

 

All we have is this moment to live,

I must turn my thoughts not to get, but to love and to give.

 

I lay here and realize I still can write.

I can see in the daytime, and find rest at night.

 

Within there is a flicker of my light that should shine for many reasons I know.

I will find a few to jostle my memory, and wrestle depression with strength just to show….

 

I can DO whatever I think I can! My sorrows are few compared to many a man.

I do not know how much I time I have left to look at my life – nor days to enjoy.

 

I want to be an example of faith and of love,

I will keep praying for power from that of above.

 

I AM better already, can you read and see? Like I would with a child who needs help,

I diverted my own attention, and the task set me free.

 

Change your thoughts, change your emotions.

Use your wits to climb from the pits.

 

You may think this a silly poem, and some might think it not a poem at all.

But by taking the time to write it I kept myself from a major fall!

 

Do not stumble, do not muddle your thoughts to far worse than it is!

Now what was the stress management technique I used?

Ah, yes,….this is a quiz!

 

Simple and easy what to do – divert your attention – and God will bless you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Flowers

June 5, 2015

Orchids

Park City FlowersJPG

flowers

If you know the names of the flowers in the second and third photo – please share with us.  Of course the first one is Orchids.  Have a safe and wonderful weekend.  If you find yourself tearful or terribly unhappy read stressmanagementmagic.com.  I hope it will lighten your load!  God bless us all!

Great thoughts to help you manage emergencies and stress

April 28, 2015

This is a wonderful true story I want to share with everyone who enjoys this blog. If you’ve read me before you know I broke my back two years ago, had to have surgeries, and now have some serious permanent disabilities.

I was a fitness trainer, a dancer, and taught stress management and relaxation (thank God). My life was perfect. Now I am working every day creating my new life, and when I read these paragraphs from a deliciously spiritual book, God in You, by Dr. David Jeremiah, I just had to share………

I never knew I had such respect for Thomas Edison.

“It was December of 1914 when Thomas Edison’s great laboratories in West Orange, New Jersey, were almost entirely destroyed by fire. In one night Edison lost 2 million dollars worth of equipment and the record of much of his life-work. Edison’s son Charles ran frantically about trying to find his father and finally came upon him standing near the fire, his face ruddy in the glow, and his white hair blown by the winter winds.”

“ My heart ached for him” Charles Edison said. “He was no longer young, and everything was being destroyed. He then spotted me. And he said to me, @Where is your mother? Find her. Bring her here. She will never see anything like this again as long as she lives!”

The next morning, walking about the charred embers of so many of his hopes and dreams, the sixty-seven-year old Edison mused, “There is great value in disaster. All our mistakes are burned up. Thank God! We can start all over again.”

…………………………….

Each day is a new opportunity to begin again.  I am endeavoring to move onward and upward.  I hope you know that no matter what happens in your lives, you have the choice (100%) of how to respond!  Take a breath, find a fair melding of intellect and emotion, and THEN respond.  You can do these things in short order once you make a habit of doing them.  Now, onward and upward for you too!  It’s much more fun than you think to respond in a manner that knocks people off their feet.  “Gosh, look how great his or her response was!”  Gain respect and have a better life.

God bless you!

A strange day takes a Holy turn!

March 16, 2015

I had absolutely NO intention of writing this. NONE at all. I lay down because of the weakness of my back, and I needed to put heat on my back because the pain is overwhelming. I was feeling terrible and thought about the meaning of hope. With all sincerity, I put the laptop on my lap, and the words below just came tumbling out of my head. No forethought, no thought at all of what to write in this post….except to write what is posted below: Verbatim.  I haven’t even re-read what I wrote – 100% honestly!  I will later….
——————————————–

No wonder we cannot understand why God allows terrible things to happen. It’s all a dream. From a perspective that assumes I have an inkling of really KNOWING all about God, I think I get it.

We are God’s creations, but in order for God to understand the human being, mind, body and soul, He sent His son to see if we are worth all the trouble. Jesus knows a great many of us are, and just needed a teacher to show the Way.

Jesus knows. He understands everything is REAL to us. He knows that pain and torture are real to us. He knows that the suffering of man is almost unbearable – enough to ask God Himself NOT to follow through with the plan. He was also afraid and did not want to face the torture man can inflict upon another. He saw the pain the death of others caused those who truly loved each other.  He saw the questioning of God’s existence when a child was lost…

He had an edge. He could have used his power, as the ONLY begotten Son of God, to perform a miracle and not sacrifice Himself. But He also understood the power of CHOICE that man has within himself.

He chose to take on “the world” and all the “sins of man” to become the ultimate mentor and advocate for God Himself. He died so that when our earthly death comes to take us, we are not lost forever into oblivion. He chose to be our Shepherd and guide. He was and is, the Way, the Truth and the Life.

He took upon Himself, within His mind and body, ALL of our mistakes, and the evil behavior of many of us. He carried the burden to His death….and Resurrection.
…………………………………………………………………..

Here is an absolute post script. I didn’t remember this even until I had written the post, and then the preface. It just came to me. One of those epiphany moments. I had gotten out of bed this morning (and I confess – I have been on a spiritual low for a while) – and I got on bended knees next to the bed. That’s no easy trick for me since my back surgeries. I simply asked that the Holy Spirit be activated and fill me.

I feel at peace right now, and I am breathing easier. Sweet!  I also just read the post, and it is exactly what I do believe but more in terms the common man (myself included) can comprehend.  Sometimes the Bible is a tad difficult and confusing.

Venting

August 7, 2014

HERE I AM AGAIN – Relaxing, believe it or not, but needing to air a few complaints. I would be interested in hearing yours too, if you care to comment…really!  These are my opinions, and I write them after doing quite a bit of research on the topics.  You may agree or you may disagree.  I do not intend to offend, nor do I ever intend on diluting my philosophy in order please someone.  I hope you hold true to what you believe too!  Sometimes it isn’t easy as today’s society in general says “everything” is okay.  Well, in my mind, it’s not.

What is so difficult about fencing off the border? The Great Wall of China travels some 14,000 miles, and the work began on it before Christ. Do we not have the brains to employ thousands of people by building this wall?

Both my sons married girls from other countries. It took two years for them to enter the USA legally. For those that are OBEYING the law, these illegal aliens being granted permission to stay are a slap in the face to the ones who KEEP the law, and to all citizens of the USA. Bundle up those children, give them some clothing, feed them, and send them back to their land of origin. NO OTHER country in the world would allow this. Why does our beloved (puke) government?

Did you know they are being bussed to cities and they have no money, can’t speak English, no jobs, and will increase our TWO TRILLION dollar bill to “give to those in need”? Did you know it costs that much?

I am not certain I will vote anymore, and here is why. OUR VOTE MEANS SQUAT!

So many supreme courts have overturned the people’s votes…even if measures have been voted on several times, they are proving it means NOTHING BY  overturning these measures.

I don’t get to choose my candidates. First you have to be RICH and then have clout, and then be RICH. The uneducated and illegal aliens are going to vote – and probably liberally because they will keep getting and getting what you and I have to work our lives away for – money, housing, medical, etc. etc. etc. What is wrong with that picture?

When someone gets the “death sentence” it is laughable. That means they will spend the next twenty years being supported and taken care of by you and me. They will even get glasses and dental work (our seniors don’t get that with Medicare).

Then (even though they may have RAPED and KILLED a family), if they aren’t killed fast enough, it is “cruel and unusual”. What?

The next complaint is when they sentence  a person, saying, “One-Hundred and Fifty Years to Life”.   Is there some secret life-extending potion they offer in prison? Makes the courts sound like idiots…next:

I think it is WAY TO LONG that the supreme court members have their jobs for life! We as citizens don’t select them, and they certainly are human and no matter what have their “own slant” on decisions-no matter what anyone says. Way too much power.

obama is making some big official decisions while congress is recessed. Our country will be in a tailspin if someone doesn’t stop this monster. Do not be deceived – even Satan can disguise himself as an angel of light and recite verses from the Bible.

What about OUR children? Many of the children (and it isn’t their faults) are bringing into this country lice, scabies, tuberculosis and other terrible diseases. For “enlightened parents who opted NOT to vaccine their children, watch out for them carefully!

Last legitimate complaint from me today is this:   WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING BRINGING EBOLA INTO THE UNITED STATES?  There is no cure for sure. Remember not too long ago they found some terrible ERRORS within the gates of the CDC. I think it was smallpox that was put in a cardboard box somewhere it should not have been.

You know there will be outbreaks here in the USA. I am NOT happy about saying this, but it is bound to happen.

WE NEED TO PRAY – and bond together as citizens. We are AMERICANS. We are a melting pot, it is true, but that does not mean we can let the entire world come to America! We are teaching those chilfren you can break the law in America and still get what you want.

By the way – Detroit, Philadelphia and Chicago are just three of the most dangerous places to live in America.  Will the children be placed in those cities?

“Power Corrupts – Absolute power corrupts absolutely!”

 

 

 

This is what I think today

July 20, 2014

This post is my stance on what is happening in our society in the USA.

If I sound, in length here, wild and ranting a bit, I very well may be. I am fairly- no totally disgusted with so many things I am not sure where to start.

If you watch ANY news you will find the media pitting one country against the other. The horror of those killed on one side – the horrific splay of missiles being shot at the other.

Give sympathy to both and encourage then instill the hated and anger with each other.

Who shot the passenger airline down? Biden jumped the gun and with his hollow and unintelligent mumblings saying Russia blew the plane out of the sky. The “U.S.” concluded this. No, no, no…. those in “charge”, our rich and poorly representing government officials concluded this and the media assertively (but with obvious bowing to them) headlined it.

Russia against Ukraine – the United States against Russia. Sorrow, discontent, anger and then hatred.

Strange how hated is building for Russia since it gave Snowden asylum.

What happened to the Marine who accidentally went into Mexico? Where is the traitor Obama traded 5 terrorists for now?

Wow. One Marine accidentally goes into Mexico and is jailed?

62,000 children (and many mothers) come across our borders and our beloved obama makes sure he gets (I figured this out from the amounts obama requested) $25,000. per child to house and feed.

Problem with that is these children and mothers are being placed all over the country and they will be untraceable, melding into the 11 million illegal Mexicans already here.

Children are often are brought here by criminal enterprises that smuggle them through Mexico and into the United States. When they get across the border, the children often seek out American border guards. They know the Americans will help them and send to a facility with food and other services.

However, that being said, it is amazing with the violence in Mexico and the Cartel and terrorist criminals, that the children arrived safely – no kidnappings, no beheadings, no murders, rapes or forced child labor. Thank God.

Of course no one wants a child hurt ever, but still – how they got here is a wonder! Many have scabies and lice, and many have not had MMRV vaccines, thus possibly spreading disease ( if they enroll in school or are around children) to the children whose families questioned vaccinating their children.

Welcome to NLA (North Latin America), or MexiAmerica where Christians and white people are bad. I wonder how many of the south American mothers entering are pregnant? How many will land in rich households to be maids and gardeners for government officials and CEO’s of companies.

Some are being housed in L.A. and homeless are protesting because they are citizens and no one is providing housing for them. There are thousands on the streets.

It would be a good idea too, as a special amount of water in this drought, is being saved to wash urine and fecal matter from the homeless off of the sidewalks.

obama is a racist. He denies his white all together. If you wonder why I don’t capitalize obama, it is my way of showing disrespect.

Now to the latest fad-smoking the HOOKAH- 1 hour’s worth is comparable to smoking 200 cigarettes! Yuk. Slow suicide.

Much is made of cyber-bullying. I am sorry deaths have been reported because of this phenomenon. To me this says children and teens are spending way too much time on line, and on their phones. Duh!

Bullying in schools has gone on as long as I can remember – and I have a great memory and a few decades to have learned one or two things. Bullying is cruel. Where there are growing young minds, there will always be the mean ones! They are probably the ones who turn into bad adults. But my generation handled bullying in person, with people when it happened. There are some terrible things about technology, along side with the good, and I wish it weren’t that way, but it is.

Also the illusion that on line a child can have hundreds of friends is dangerous and a flawed misnomer. Much of what is on line, in magazines, and presented to us is simply lies promoting SALES! Also, of course, racism, anger, judgments, smoking, alcohol use,jealousy, and violence are condoned and promoted through movies. Holly weird loves to pass its messages on to the public.

Fact. Did you know only three percent of the population is actually gay or lesbian? Did you also know many state courts have turned the decision the people voted on (several more votes than one), to keep marriage sanctioned only between men and women, to accommodate the voice of the gay and lesbian community? The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

We live in a toxic, desensitized, technology-addicting environment. Some of the top shows are the sleaziest, most violent, depraved, and self-deprecating pieces of work ever presented to the public. Big brother is controlling the minds of all ages – has been doing so for years.

I know love and Spirit and God are still alive and well. I know that the USA has millions and millions of citizens that are still rooted in moral principles, and want peace between citizens and other countries.

I just wish everyone around the world would not “clump” the “people of the USA” with the government, politics and the media. That is the biggest lie of all. I know the heart of the people has hope and cares about other real citizens of this country and other countries I would love to see the “people” of all countries be represented fairly instead of by the corrupt behavior and greed of so few in charge.

There will be a time.

Forgive me if there are errors. I broke my wrist a week ago, had surgery to put in plate and screws day before yesterday, and I am typing with my right hand. (I am left-handed.)

Stay strong. Keep your line of demarcation for your principles and life’s direction visible and guarded. God bless us all!

WHY I DON’T KILL MYSELF

July 2, 2014

Since my accident and eventual spinal cord damage that forced me to have my back fused, my life has changed one hundred percent. Even more than the visible injuries, the injuries that are invisible almost make my life JUST a repetition of more doctors and often feeling like crap! Pretty honest, and it’s absolutely the truth.

I know – it sucks. There are days (and I am having one, thus far, today) – when I wish I could just throw in the towel and say, “That’s enough – I am done!”

There is not a day that I can forget I am now disabled permanently. Between pain and the “various” other disabilities, my life is changed forever.

I am also battling with major depression. I don’t really share with anyone anymore the battle I have not to be totally nuts! My poor husband has been stellar, and now I am putting lots of moans and groans, and depression, and down times, to rest…it’s between God and me – and you, of course.

 

Now you might ask then, why I don’t kill myself?

 

First of all, with suicide, there is no “taking it back”. “Whoops! Guess I changed my mind after all!” Besides suicide is the way out for those who don’t call upon inner strength. I am not a weakling – even though a lot of my strength comes from “self-talk”.

I will not give up.

There are several other big reasons, and the first being I am a Christian, and suicide is against my spiritual beliefs. But even if it were not a matter of my spiritual beliefs, even if I believed suicide was okay, I still wouldn’t do it.

It’s not that I am afraid, because I am not. I just believe there is something that is placed inside each of us that gives us, innately, the strength to fight to live. The only time that strength flees is when drugs and/or alcohol drown the true pure spirit.

I believe this with all my heart, and still after so many trials in my life, I fight to live. In fighting, however, sometimes have to settle for barter with life.

Mama told me there are three things I can count on in life:

  1. God
  2. Her love
  3. Change

I find, after all these years of living, she was right on the money. Number three is the one that happens EVERYDAY, and OFTEN without ANY NOTICE!

So here are VALID reasons not even to entertain that thought in my mind (or perhaps YOURS)!

  1. HOPE – I still have a feeling of expectation Perhaps something will change tomorrow. Could be ANYTHING – new cure, a visit from a long-lost friend, winning the lottery, having the best steak I’ve ever eaten, the best sex ever, a television show that is so fun I can’t stop laughing for a day! I would never know if I killed myself. If any of these things could have come to fruition.
  2. Once the deed was done there would never be another full moon to see, a bird to listen to, a book to read, a sky full of stars to gaze at, a beloved animal to pet and love, a child to sit on my lap for a visit in the spring, summer, winter, or fall,. I would miss it all, and that isn’t even the tip of the iceberg, as the saying goes.
  3. I am selfish. I love spending time with my husband, family and/or friends. I love my time alone to regenerate and think and write. I love to find a great bargain at a yard sale. I love to cook. I love taking photographs of people and places. I anticipate perhaps just hope, I will be able to travel to new places sometime. I guess I still like many things that life offers me.
  4. My “legacy” (don’t know if anyone would care besides my family) would be a lie. All the years I taught, and teach stress management and relaxation would be lies. I would have taken the “chicken” way out, and my whole life would have been for nothing.
  5. If there is a blazing hellfire, I do not want to be in it. I suffer when I get sunburned, and to me, fire is the scariest thing I know. I do not want to “burn, baby, burn”.

I think those five reasons add up to hundreds of personal reasons I cannot ever kill myself. Besides, I REFUSE to throw in the towel and let life stomp me out. I do not believe suicide is a natural thought.

I believe it has been placed in our minds by evil, whether it is from a movie, or a terrible murder-suicide, or a song. I also STRONGLY BELIEVE that ninety-nine percent of those who commit suicide either had mental issues, serious ones, or were plied with alcohol and/or drugs. Think about that one. Review the most recent “self destruction” you know about, and I bet there were drugs or alcohol involved, or severe mental illness.

Writing is a wonderful release, and you do not need to have a blog, or be perfect in English, to write your thoughts on paper.

Don’t give up! Besides, what if reincarnation is a fact and you had to come back as a maggot becaue you had killed yourself. Yuck.

Instead – begin again – CREATE your life, and I pray it is better as each moment passes!

I am praying for me too! God bless you and God help us all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Good Day!

April 16, 2014

I fell yesterday.  My feet did something out of my control and down I went.  The tile is hard, but at least I was able to hit with less impact than if I were unable to think!  I laid there and didn’t move for a bit.  I burst into tears and they fell until I had lines of tears across my face.  Then I turned, got up and got the ice.  I rested on it for thirty minutes or so, and then continued making dinner.

I wasn’t happy, but I was able to get up and I knew I would just be sore in the morning.

This morning I awoke and opened the door to let my dog out to say good morning to the world.

I looked and the trees moved gently swaying to the rhythm of the wind. The cross between the chil of winter and the entry of mild spring days made the air perfect and I felt grateful still. The fragrance of the orange blossoms is lush and soft to inhale.

Glass chimes welcomed the breeze and ever so gently they swayed with the new green dotted across the yard. Even the wild weeds were graced with flowers and had a place of beauty and importance in my view.

An orchestra of birds sang a song of newly found places to build their nests. I am seeing through the eyes of the child still within me. Though I have seen it many times, I cannot crease to find the beauty of what I see so intense.   I want to run and lay in the grass and look into the trees from a different view.

I thank God for every little leaf and flower, for the mocking bird, who is not mocking – but singing the song of every one of his neighbors. He sits and proudly fills the air with music. Every once in a while a burst of wind comes, and the rhythm of the branches and the sound of invisible wafts of wind fill the air. It seems the birds stop to listen too.

I may never climb a tree again, or stand at the top of a peak with arms out praising God for His majestic gift of this world. I may never run in the sand and pull a kite behind me, with the longest tail I can make. I may never again spin in circles and move across the floor with grace and elegance.

But I can IMAGINE. I can remember. I can still see and hear. I can still raise my hands and thank my God for all the beauty within my very reach. I can still raise my voice and sing my song of words.

And who knows. I believe in miracles. If I can just remember how – I may fly again!

I would like to thank you all who have been with me since I began this adventure so long ago. I particularly would like to thank my family in India for the prayers, and thoughts, and constant support. It is still, even though I am no longer physically one hundred percent – a wonderful world, and a beautiful day! I will walk with my ever so wobbly gait and use my legs to celebrate for someone without legs; I will be grateful. I will never sour, nor be hard of heart, and I will love, love, love, as long as I am able!

Good luck to those of you buying tickets that really need help.

August 21, 2013

I rarely buy tickets. Just can’t afford to throw money away on a gamble.  I did buy two today though, as it is my husband’s birthday and I thought it would tickle him.  Especially if he won (oh sure!)

Anyway, as I drove up I saw an older lady park her cart just under the sign and she went into the store.  I thought the cart and sign “photo-worthy”.

Image

“One picture is worth a thousand words”.

Albert Einstein

a

Fearless

August 16, 2013

“Fearlessness means faith in God: faith in His protection, His justice, His wisdom, His mercy, His love, and His omnipresence…To be fit for God, a man/woman must be fearless.

…When hardship threatens we should not let ourselves feel helpless or forlorn, nor should we cry, “Why me?” The courageous soul will remind him/herself that adversity comes not to destroy or punish him, but to help to rouse the invincibility in our soul

The painful ordeals we go through are but a shadow. The Lord is very anxious to get us out of this troublesome world of duality.

Whatever difficulties He permits us to pass through are necessary.  We may never understand the “why” of painful events until the resurrection. If we fully understand this, we become freed from resentment and discouragement over our crosses. 

When you are a child, you have the problems of a child; but when you become an adult, you have an adult’s responsibilities and difficulties. Likewise, as you grow spiritually, your challenges increase. But know this for certain: THE LORD PERMITS NO EXPERIENCE TO COME TO YOU THAT IS BEYOND YOUR STRENGTH. NEVER DOUBT THIS. 

Nothing can overwhelm you unless out of doubt and fear you permit it to do so. Whatever comes, face it with patience and faith in God: “Lord, bless me, that I may find the courage to deal with this experience; and through it, draw closer to You.” Do the best you can, given the circumstances, and trustingly leave the result in God’s hand. 

God wants His children to be happy and fulfilled.  He aches for your full attention.  He will never leave you and He will be at his strongest when you are at your weakest.

Trust.  Keep the faith.  We are finite, so our understanding (for now) is limited.  Be happy. 

Remember “Nothing can touch you if you inwardly love God.” If you love God, your mind is always centered in Him. You are resting on eternal truth instead of being tossed about by the constant uncertainties of mortal existence. You become immersed in the stillness of the depths of the ocean of His presence within, where no surface storms can unsettle you. Then you have NO INSECURITIES—NO FEAR OF LOSS, OR INJURY, OR PAIN, OR EVEN OF DEATH.