Posts Tagged ‘family’

I didn’t mean to kill my dog!

April 20, 2017

No one wants to think that they are to blame for an instance where they loose someone they love. But in my heart of hearts I know it was my fault that Dakota’s life was cut short. After breaking my back I was unable to walk with her and do the things with her I once did. She sat next to me, loyally, and I never encouraged her to leave my side.

The last year it seemed her ability to walk had gotten worse, perhaps the injury to her ACL when she was young had gotten worse due to lack of exercise. But there is no excuse. I kept giving her treats and marrow bones and she loved them.

At one point I realized she had put on lots of weight, but was unable to walk her too help her get it off. Even if I cut down on her food, my sweet husband would wind up giving her treats. He was just too exhausted to walk her. So there she sat.

She was happy to be near us. That’s the thing about a dog….they are so loyal and their love is so unconditional. I knew she was gaining weight. I could see it as she meandered to the back yard to take care of her business, and to sniff for cats.

One day she walked only to the edge of the yard and just watched me. She did this for a while. I couldn’t coax her to walk further.

That week my husband and I loaded the dogs into the forerunner and took a ride to the woods. She loved going in the car with the windows partly down. She couldn’t jump down as her hind side was weaker, probably from the weight. But she walked in the woods and went to the water and stepped in as if she had been doing it everyday. She loved water too.

By the time we got to the truck we were all tuckered and both dogs were a little less excited, and more whipped!

She was a big girl. No doubt about it. Her barrel chest was very predominant and though the weight was on, she still looked beefy and beautiful.

A couple of weeks later it snowed. She gingerly stepped out in the yard with the pup, now almost two. They shoveled the snow with their noses and were fascinated by the accumulation on the ground. The cool felt good to her and she was like a young girl dog, but one who found it difficult to run because of the extra pounds. They stayed out and played for a while and then she settled in next to me, covered with a blanket to keep her warm.

When I mentioned I was worried about the weight my husband said it was okay, she could “go happy and have what she wanted.” I didn’t want her to “go”, and I knew I needed to do something. I knew it would eventually hurt her, but I did nothing. I didn’t know what to do. I should have made a plan to help her.

She was still beautiful the day she died in my arms, from what we think was a heart attack. She was only seven. I cried for 10 days and 10 nights, and I will cry for her till my days end. It wasn’t her fault. She was only seven.

I know I am human and we all make mistakes, but this was a mortal one that took my faithful friend away forever. I was the one who knew she was too heavy, and I was the one who did nothing to change it! God knows I didn’t mean to let her die too young. I know I didn’t mean to….and I know I will NEVER let an animal get too much weight on in my lifetime. When you hear “Don’t let your dog get overweight” – listen! It can kill them. I am not just sitting here letting my life be ruined, but this is a lesson I do not want anyone else to experience.

I will honor her life by never letting it happen again. The price you pay is just too high. I see her trusting eyes looking into mine, and I pray she knows I never meant to hurt her. I pray God knows.

If you love your animals, if you love your children, if you love yourself – be careful not to overload with useless food “just to eat”. It’s not worth the death of someone you love, and it can happen.

It happened to me.

pup on back 2

Dakota – 6 weeks

Dakota

Dakota – almost 7 – my best friend

Tips for a Great Day!

February 24, 2017

These are a few of my favorite things anyone has said to me in my entire life. I have tried to base my actions and my days on these things.

Someone once told me I have the faint cracklings of a healer. I loved that. I would love to heal everything – people, scenarios, reasons for war and discontent, communication between people. I cannot of course – but I can keep trying.

My daughter told me once that I channel what I believe…I channel God. Now I know I have not always, for sure, been a true reflection, but it surely inspired me.

I was told that my presence at that particular time, to that particular person was that of an angel. I have been told that several times, and I loved that to aspire to…Wasn’t that lovely? Of course I know I am not – but I fly in my dreams – and I know I could in this life, if I could just remember how!

My son told me he was sorry for all the times he had been mean to me. I was shocked. I never thought a thing of it because we all have our “growth” spurts, and love is unconditional and forever. He said he guessed he was because all through his life I had always been there – in the good times, and in the very bad times. It touched my heart though love never runs away because of fear or distress.

More than once people have said, “I like your smile. It made me smile.” Cool. Less wrinkles to smile, more fun.

I have had a full life thus far, and though most of it is behind me, I look forward to seeing what is next. I want me to be my best ever. I have learned from a thousand mistakes and poor choices, and from that which was not even my fault.

I prayed for guidance last night and woke up to write. I allow myself an hour to pray, read and write upon waking. It is a delicious time.

I could tell you so many terrible things I remember in my lifetime, but the thing about being human is that if we focus on the GOOD – look upward and move onward – and LEARN, we will blossom like a flower. I’d rather be a flower than a prickly cactus. Smiling is so much easier.

Do something for someone today (something little or big) and don’t tell a soul! It will be tempting to talk about it, but it is so much more exhilarating to have the deed between you and whomever you believe as a creator. The Creator watches.

If you don’t believe in a higher power, then silently think about the deed and be proud of your choice, amidst all the tension and delusion that is happening around the world. It will bring a smile to your face sometime-probably more than once. It’s good to share love.

And if you think of the horrible days and comments made to you, then STOP IT. That was then. You can’t take anything back, so pass the good forward.

This is now. On your mark….get set….go!

 

 

Today

February 23, 2017

I woke up exceptionally early this morning. I lay in bed thinking. I thought about prayers. I thought about God. I thought about my life, and how much of it I’ve missed!

Really. I feel like it has slipped through my fingers like a palm full of oil when you open your fingers….drip, drip, drip away. My back ached (it always does, but that is the way it is) – when I fell, landing on my back, I knew I was in trouble. I just didn’t know how much.

My Rottie came over and sat next to me and I instinctively reached up and felt the lush soft fur just below her neck.

I looked at the blue sky, dotted with those clouds that form into something when you watch them pass. I had just been thanking God for everything in my life being calm and peaceful, and close to perfect. Then wouldn’t you know it, life took me on a turn I shall not forget, though after four years of challenges (and I mean hell sometimes), I sit here typing another piece of my heart.

“Everything changes”, mama used to say. “Everything except God and my love for you.”
I knew she meant it.

We can criticize others. Blame circumstances on conditions, and punish ourselves for making so many mistakes along the way. But isn’t there enough of that going on?

Oh God, I want to be of value, of service to you. We are all human as you are well aware, and
for US, I ask you remain faithful in your patience and grace. I still can’t figure out why I have been given so many opportunities to “rise above my circumstances, and survive!”

We are small little human beings in a maze of life. The majority of us, I still believe, still having love, potential, and goodness.

Guide our thoughts and deeds. Perhaps you give us a jolt a time or two to recognize how little time we have and really how very much power we have in just a word or deed.

My mouth has been filthy at times in my life (not as bad as Ashley Judd – her mama must be proud) – and sometimes my actions less than acceptable. I know that. I also know because I believe in you and your Son Jesus Christ, I am forgiven! I am loved. Jesus took the brunt of my deeds and paid the price. I never take that for granted.

Please keep vigilant over your children and give us a push in the right direction when we are overcome by the trash with the loudest voices. We do not have to succumb.

My husband readies himself to leave and devote his time and health and energy to keeping us “floating” above debt and despair. God bless ALL who must leave their families to provide for them.

Please guide us, your creations, to kind words and at least one thoughtful and unexpected act of love today. We don’t need to tell anyone….just do something. THANK YOU. I stand on my small bandwagon to declare my love for you, and the POWER and ENDLESS energy to heal and keeping going……if only we ask and believe.

This post is important!

November 29, 2016

I wrote a post of Facebook this morning and I want as many people who happen by to read and share it….Marsha J. O’Brien

BE SAFE!  KEEP your families, self, and friends AWARE………In Ca. with AB109, Proposition 57 passing, and such poverty and need – it will not get easier.  BE PREPARED!

 


 

 

Picking up the pieces

September 25, 2016

 

I opened the refrigerator and saw the crystal bowl, as if in slow motion, drop in waves and then hit the floor with a mighty sound of glass splintering and grapes breaking off into all directions.

People use God’s name is so many situations. Thank God it’s cooled down. Thank God no one was hurt. Thank God the storm was less than expected. I often wonder if the name of God is even recognized any more, and if God has become just a phrase to express relief. I wonder if people really mean THANK GOD.

Thank God no splinters flew into the eyes of my puppy, standing off a far, looking as if he had done something wrong. I wondered if he would run off to the “naughty room”, his dog house, as he does when he carries something in his mouth that doesn’t belong there.

No, thank God he stood still and just watched, along with my good old girl, Dakota. Black as the night, wide eyed as children, they just waited for some reaction from me. To their surprise, I laughed. Why not.

My husband says to open any door or cupboard anywhere in the house is like looking for a bomb to explode. This time he was right. No one got cut. The bowl was just a material object, and the only other loss was a bunch of grapes.

I cleaned everything up. Looked at the precarious position of an opened twelve pack of Ginger Ale, I and decided to leave them where they were on the third shelf. Why not live dangerously….

It was so much easier to laugh and smile than to let the current situation overcome my senses and my life. I knew this too would pass.

Now think of politics. Let it go. It is not going to be life-changing to throw away all the moments and days we spend worrying. Let it go, and as it’s been said many times before….

Let it go and let God! The only control we really have is our response to life. I tried being miserable and it sucked. So I gave it up.

Here is the Confession

September 6, 2016

Here is the confession. Since my accident and incidents therein,

Too often I fall into deep depression.

 

I know in cyberspace there are fellow humans of like mind,

sometimes we search for answers, but answers do not find.

 

There is nothing shameful about having depression you see,

It happens in this lifetime, next door and across the sea,

It happens to us all -to you, and even me.

 

We are human. We feel love, terror, and pain, trauma.

Depression can hit us all – depression is not drama!

 

I awoke this morning covered with sorrow like dense fog.

Unable to find the departure, chained like a wild dog.

 

“What is the purpose of life?” I thought. My life is changed forever, and not for better.

I had a pity party – a pitiful one – no one came.

 

It was only I, raging like I was waging a war against myself.

Then praying, while rather insane, I placed my mind upon a shelf.

 

At last I thought, I knew what to do. Divert my own attention to something else……and maybe you should too.

 

So I left the room I was working in, took a breath or two and dropped to my knees.

“Give me help dear Lord, I prayed, let my heart feel at peace, if you please.”

 

Here I lay in bed, with laptop resting on my legs.

Writing simple poetry, trying to turn a phrase.

 

If I dwell on my sorrow, and cry and whimper, I will to hell cross the line,

Then I won’t smile or have joy in this moment of time.

 

All we have is this moment to live,

I must turn my thoughts not to get, but to love and to give.

 

I lay here and realize I still can write.

I can see in the daytime, and find rest at night.

 

Within there is a flicker of my light that should shine for many reasons I know.

I will find a few to jostle my memory, and wrestle depression with strength just to show….

 

I can DO whatever I think I can! My sorrows are few compared to many a man.

I do not know how much I time I have left to look at my life – nor days to enjoy.

 

I want to be an example of faith and of love,

I will keep praying for power from that of above.

 

I AM better already, can you read and see? Like I would with a child who needs help,

I diverted my own attention, and the task set me free.

 

Change your thoughts, change your emotions.

Use your wits to climb from the pits.

 

You may think this a silly poem, and some might think it not a poem at all.

But by taking the time to write it I kept myself from a major fall!

 

Do not stumble, do not muddle your thoughts to far worse than it is!

Now what was the stress management technique I used?

Ah, yes,….this is a quiz!

 

Simple and easy what to do – divert your attention – and God will bless you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My friend

August 30, 2016

I’ve had more than a few people request that I post this particular thing again – and so I will!

 

MY FRIEND

You’ve been my friend for over forty years. Still, we teeter between love and hate.

You were with me for the good times. You were with me when I was down or in pain.

You were my friend when I was lonely and felt I had no other friend.

You gave me courage when I felt insecure, you made me forget.

You’ve been with me to heaven’s gate and then to the gates of hell.

It seems you’ve always been near, within my reach.

 

At times I hated you, but just when I thought you were gone for good, little by little,

You subtly sneaked your way back into my life.

You’ve always had your way with me.

You, my treacherous friend sometimes made me turn into someone else, a monster.

You made me seething with hatred and anger.

You made me think I wanted to kill myself.

You stole my will.

You made me see from a perspective that was not my own.

 

You sucked the life from me and yet I found myself calling on you again and again!

You invaded every area of my life, took me up and then dropped me down again.

You usurped my energy and spirituality.

You took my creativity, my intellect, and my motivation to be me.

 

When we parted you still affected my days and nights. I thought I needed you.

You almost killed me more than once with your reckless and distorted control.

You lure me into that altered state of consciousness, to be drunk.

To sleep the perpetual sleep, never perceiving reality.

Never to see the true shining star shining from within.

 

John Barleycorn. You are alcohol, the devil in disguise.  You and your associates will not

steal my life again.

 

You are socially acceptable. You are legal. I still tarry with you now and then, but you are

NO FRIEND OF MINE!

Following up on president mentioning this last evening…..

July 28, 2016

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

“That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.”

—————————————–

A history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute Tyranny over these States.

For imposing Taxes on us without our Consent: A Prince, whose character is thus marked by every act which may define a Tyrant, is unfit to be the ruler of a free people.

Neither aiming at originality of principle or sentiment, nor yet copied from any particular and previous writing, it was intended to be an expression of the American mind, and to give to that expression the proper tone and spirit called for by the occasion.[81]

——————————————–

Of course most people think Michelle Obama is wonderful.  I thought she gave a good speech (as did the president – though it was mostly about him).  The one thing I question in her speech was instead of pulling us all together, I think she perhaps put another little “divider” into the speech by saying, “I have two beautiful BLACK daughters.”  I believe we are all intelligent enough that we have noticed.  Would it not have been better just to say, “I have two beautiful daughters.”  I have a beautiful daughter too, but I don’t think I have ever mentioned in a gathering that she is a beautiful white daughter……maybe I am color blind, and just go by hearts.

 

 

 

No tacos Tonight

June 23, 2016

My husband says when I shop and just slam things in the refrigerator because I am on a roll to do “other things”, before the heat sets in, I create bombs!

Well………BOOM!  Opened it and sure enough the unbreakable bowl flew out and dropped directly before me on the carpet – and the bowl into slivers.  It was a strange break. So much for an unbreakable dish!

No spaghetti for tonight

Choices.  I could have cried.  But instead I chose to laugh.  It did seem funny and trivial in the scheme of things.  An unbreakable bowl, red taco sauce on the carpet, and having to fix something else for dinner.  Sniff, sniff, boo-hoo – just kidding!  I laughed.  I did create a bomb.  Just glad it didn’t land on my toes!

Onward and upward.  Laugh when you can, cry if need be, walk away if possible, fight only for life, and pray, pray, pray!   Choose to create bountiful moments one right after the other.  It is MUCH MORE FUN to keep the sense of humor in tact.

I am counting on you to take charge of your “moments” and even if you blow it one moment – start again – the next!


If any of you have read my stressmanagementmagic.com blog, that particular website disappeared, along with (if I don’t have copies somewhere) over 200 posts!  So I will let you know when and if I am going to start another.  In the meantime I will probably just combine the stress management information with this blog!

CREATE your day.  No matter what happens, you have the choice to REACT 100% of the time, however you choose.  I choose happy!

 

 

 

What do you think of when you awake?

May 15, 2016

I wake and my brain begins to think of everything! Why does bad things happen to good people? Can we turn things around just by thinking differently? What makes me care about people I don’t even know, that are half way around the world? Why do we always try to pigeonhole a person before we know the real person? What makes us keep trying when everything has gone wrong? Have all people thought of suicide at least one time? If someone told me they would kill me would I really stand up for what I believe? Are puppies just a beautiful gift from a creative creator? Dreams are so real. Is this life really real, or are my dreams real and this is just a manifestation of my mind?

Then I get up and head for the coffee. In five minutes of lying in my bed and trying to wake up, m mind has already asked hundreds, not just a few, questions about it all!

My best bet, and this is the truth, is to drop to my knees before rising, and give thanks for another breath, and lay the concerns in my brain before my Master. I know I ask more thank I give thanks, but thanks is always on my mind, and when I sway just a bit off my true path, my life begins to diminish in small currents of unrest and dissatisfaction. It always happens. I just don’t always recognize it until I am bursting into tears and wondering why good things happen to bad people.

It is like a cycle an alcoholic follows. Don’t drink. Just to ease the concerns of the day.

If one made me relax, two will help a bit more. The increase of alcohol is in small increments. It may take days to reach for and consume “more than enough” to be drunk and disoriented. To be waking the next morning with regret and sorrow and no memory of the horrible things someone says you did. It may happen that same hour. Open your eyes and your life is passed by. It could have happened to me. Don’t drink.

Without God there is a hole in my heart that cannot be filled. Without God there is no peace beyond understanding. Without God love diminishes and that empty space becomes filled with treachery and evil that lurks everywhere to snap you up and eat you alive.

With God, all things are possible.

Therein, I will forgo the second cup of coffee and make my way to my bed and carefully get to my knees. I love to pray with surrender and respect, and when I get on my knees I feel I am honoring God a bit more – though I know He accepts prayers at any time and anywhere. He loves to hear from his children…even if they have yet to learn they are His. Even if they hesitate to use His proper name, as a parent hearing his child say “daddy”, and though he may be far away, the child’s daddy will hear the child’s call.

Love one another. Forgive one another. Love your Creator. Remember these are our tasks. We are not here to judge one another. Ease your mind and let the Spirit fill His home made within our early bodies and mind.

As we think so shall we become.   Mind over matter. Be grateful for each Nano second and waste them not!

You might this this photo isn’t related to this post – and it really isn’t – but I wanted to share something I snapped while out running errands a week or so ago.  These are my favorite type clouds, and for a moment they took me to a dream state of peeking out from between the clouds to check out earth!  I moment of fantasy and pleasure out of no where.  They are abundant – just open your eyes and have a blessed day!

cloudsCulumus clouds                                             Splendid, eh?