Posts Tagged ‘martha steward’

Getting Old

April 11, 2018

Reprinting something a friend of mine wrote many moons ago…it still makes me smile so I wanted to share again.  ENJOY

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Whoever coined the phrases “growing old gracefully” and “the golden years” should be strung up on the nearest tree!

I don’t know how you grow old gracefully when your body becomes less agile and your ability to stretch is limited because you are afraid you’ll “snap” like an old rubber band.

I have no idea if those years are golden as my eyesight is not as good as it once was, and the insurance I paid into all my life doesn’t cover glasses or teeth (and those are the first things to go!) That’s Medicare of course.

Somehow in my education I didn’t realize over a hundred dollars will be deducted for part B, before you even get social security. Then of course you have to pay for a supplement each month because Medicare doesn’t cover everything. The tricky part is if Medicare won’t cover any part of a procedure; neither will the supplement you are paying for -to the tune of over $150. a month if you can find one for that low price.

By the way, once you apply for Medicare you get a non-stop snail mail box full of “life insurance applications for your family to have, and burial insurance so they won’t suffer from the cost when you croak. I mean it is non-stop. Thanks for reminding my life of this planet will soon be over. Didn’t have enough to think about!

I plan to be “taken care of” the cheapest way possible. – Burn baby burn. I won’t take up precious space on this planet to plant my body and have people come there to tearfully remember me. I would rather plant flowers there! Also, in my world to come, I trust God will know how to fix everything my poor body has suffered in this lifetime.

After so many years the body just starts to kind of give out, and you never know when or where it will happen. After the first injury or accident then everyone is afraid to let you do anything because you may fall again. I don’t know if that’s because they worry about you, or because they don’t want to have to take care of you again.

No worries. I swear you’ll never hear “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” come from my mouth! Older people are usually spoken of as the butt of jokes. The ironic thing is one day those folks will be the butt of the jokes-for now they are just butts!

Heaven forbid you want to do something really fun — “It’s not a good idea.” “It’s too dangerous”. If I weren’t happily married I’d go out and have unprotected sex just for the danger factor. (NOT REALLY)

“It’s not a good idea to go barefooted.” “You’d better not get a dog.” “Watch what you eat.” “Etc.”

Kill me now.

When you find you need to use a cane because some uncaring medical people left you out in the cold until you are in permanent disrepair, don’t worry about accidentally forgetting it…everyone will remind you that you need to take the cane.

The baggers at the grocery store begin to call you ma’am, and ask if you need help carrying one bag to the car. Teenagers look at you like you have already died, and of course lost your mind way before that!

When you hear a whistle you know it’s just some older person grasping at the talent of whistling. To whistle – a talent once appreciated – long ago!. You know it’s not a “whistle” meant for you because you are so sexy and have such a stunning figure.

Everything drops. What they don’t tell you if your feet get bigger too, and all the hair that used to grow on your legs just grows on your face now!

I don’t feel guilty about not being Martha Stewart in the housekeeping department, I will go outside and sit in the sun (still with book in hand) and read to my heart’s content. With my glasses off my home is perfectly dust free.

What is “grandma in a box”? Well it’s not a coffin I’ll tell you that! I was going to wrap a box in birthday paper and surprise my granddaughter for her birthday. With my luck I probably would have suffocated and surprised her with grandma falling to the floor dead!
Not a good surprise. Either that or be so stiff I would be permanently unable to move from being stuffed in the box.

After you turn 65 – face it – you may still feel 45 in your mind – but the REAL prejudice is against those of us who live long enough to be known as “the old folks, old people, our elderly, the over the hill gang, seniors (say isn’t a senior in high school or college someone to be looked up to and revered?)

I could write a book about it all, but just to let you know – my wits are about me! My memory is as sharp as ever. I am still the captain of my ship and God the Master of my mind. I really am still “too sexy for my shirt”, and my cane doubles as a weapon so that if anyone pulls any crap on me I can beat them to death with it – and I wouldn’t hesitate.

I don’t hold back and just “be nice” – IF someone deserves to be told off I will do it with wit and class – but I will do it. I don’t hold anything inside. I dress exactly the way I want to, and love the freedom.

When no one is looking I will do what I damn please and take any risk I opt to…why not? There isn’t too much I haven’t done in my life (a lot I wish I hadn’t done), and what the heck is the difference. It could kill me?

No one knows when they are through with being on this earth – at best my life is less than two decades, and so if you see me flying through the air with some young stud attached to my back, don’t be surprised!

Well, I probably will be holding tight to my husband, whom I still adore, sitting behind him on his Harley, going a 100 miles an -hour down some back road!

Life doesn’t have to be over just because you have aged like a fine, fine wine! Or better yet in my case, an aged bottle of good whiskey! One that gives warmth to your innards, and a glow on your cheeks.