Posts Tagged ‘misery’

Picking up the pieces

September 25, 2016

 

I opened the refrigerator and saw the crystal bowl, as if in slow motion, drop in waves and then hit the floor with a mighty sound of glass splintering and grapes breaking off into all directions.

People use God’s name is so many situations. Thank God it’s cooled down. Thank God no one was hurt. Thank God the storm was less than expected. I often wonder if the name of God is even recognized any more, and if God has become just a phrase to express relief. I wonder if people really mean THANK GOD.

Thank God no splinters flew into the eyes of my puppy, standing off a far, looking as if he had done something wrong. I wondered if he would run off to the “naughty room”, his dog house, as he does when he carries something in his mouth that doesn’t belong there.

No, thank God he stood still and just watched, along with my good old girl, Dakota. Black as the night, wide eyed as children, they just waited for some reaction from me. To their surprise, I laughed. Why not.

My husband says to open any door or cupboard anywhere in the house is like looking for a bomb to explode. This time he was right. No one got cut. The bowl was just a material object, and the only other loss was a bunch of grapes.

I cleaned everything up. Looked at the precarious position of an opened twelve pack of Ginger Ale, I and decided to leave them where they were on the third shelf. Why not live dangerously….

It was so much easier to laugh and smile than to let the current situation overcome my senses and my life. I knew this too would pass.

Now think of politics. Let it go. It is not going to be life-changing to throw away all the moments and days we spend worrying. Let it go, and as it’s been said many times before….

Let it go and let God! The only control we really have is our response to life. I tried being miserable and it sucked. So I gave it up.

Here is the Confession

September 6, 2016

Here is the confession. Since my accident and incidents therein,

Too often I fall into deep depression.

 

I know in cyberspace there are fellow humans of like mind,

sometimes we search for answers, but answers do not find.

 

There is nothing shameful about having depression you see,

It happens in this lifetime, next door and across the sea,

It happens to us all -to you, and even me.

 

We are human. We feel love, terror, and pain, trauma.

Depression can hit us all – depression is not drama!

 

I awoke this morning covered with sorrow like dense fog.

Unable to find the departure, chained like a wild dog.

 

“What is the purpose of life?” I thought. My life is changed forever, and not for better.

I had a pity party – a pitiful one – no one came.

 

It was only I, raging like I was waging a war against myself.

Then praying, while rather insane, I placed my mind upon a shelf.

 

At last I thought, I knew what to do. Divert my own attention to something else……and maybe you should too.

 

So I left the room I was working in, took a breath or two and dropped to my knees.

“Give me help dear Lord, I prayed, let my heart feel at peace, if you please.”

 

Here I lay in bed, with laptop resting on my legs.

Writing simple poetry, trying to turn a phrase.

 

If I dwell on my sorrow, and cry and whimper, I will to hell cross the line,

Then I won’t smile or have joy in this moment of time.

 

All we have is this moment to live,

I must turn my thoughts not to get, but to love and to give.

 

I lay here and realize I still can write.

I can see in the daytime, and find rest at night.

 

Within there is a flicker of my light that should shine for many reasons I know.

I will find a few to jostle my memory, and wrestle depression with strength just to show….

 

I can DO whatever I think I can! My sorrows are few compared to many a man.

I do not know how much I time I have left to look at my life – nor days to enjoy.

 

I want to be an example of faith and of love,

I will keep praying for power from that of above.

 

I AM better already, can you read and see? Like I would with a child who needs help,

I diverted my own attention, and the task set me free.

 

Change your thoughts, change your emotions.

Use your wits to climb from the pits.

 

You may think this a silly poem, and some might think it not a poem at all.

But by taking the time to write it I kept myself from a major fall!

 

Do not stumble, do not muddle your thoughts to far worse than it is!

Now what was the stress management technique I used?

Ah, yes,….this is a quiz!

 

Simple and easy what to do – divert your attention – and God will bless you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What do you think of when you awake?

May 15, 2016

I wake and my brain begins to think of everything! Why does bad things happen to good people? Can we turn things around just by thinking differently? What makes me care about people I don’t even know, that are half way around the world? Why do we always try to pigeonhole a person before we know the real person? What makes us keep trying when everything has gone wrong? Have all people thought of suicide at least one time? If someone told me they would kill me would I really stand up for what I believe? Are puppies just a beautiful gift from a creative creator? Dreams are so real. Is this life really real, or are my dreams real and this is just a manifestation of my mind?

Then I get up and head for the coffee. In five minutes of lying in my bed and trying to wake up, m mind has already asked hundreds, not just a few, questions about it all!

My best bet, and this is the truth, is to drop to my knees before rising, and give thanks for another breath, and lay the concerns in my brain before my Master. I know I ask more thank I give thanks, but thanks is always on my mind, and when I sway just a bit off my true path, my life begins to diminish in small currents of unrest and dissatisfaction. It always happens. I just don’t always recognize it until I am bursting into tears and wondering why good things happen to bad people.

It is like a cycle an alcoholic follows. Don’t drink. Just to ease the concerns of the day.

If one made me relax, two will help a bit more. The increase of alcohol is in small increments. It may take days to reach for and consume “more than enough” to be drunk and disoriented. To be waking the next morning with regret and sorrow and no memory of the horrible things someone says you did. It may happen that same hour. Open your eyes and your life is passed by. It could have happened to me. Don’t drink.

Without God there is a hole in my heart that cannot be filled. Without God there is no peace beyond understanding. Without God love diminishes and that empty space becomes filled with treachery and evil that lurks everywhere to snap you up and eat you alive.

With God, all things are possible.

Therein, I will forgo the second cup of coffee and make my way to my bed and carefully get to my knees. I love to pray with surrender and respect, and when I get on my knees I feel I am honoring God a bit more – though I know He accepts prayers at any time and anywhere. He loves to hear from his children…even if they have yet to learn they are His. Even if they hesitate to use His proper name, as a parent hearing his child say “daddy”, and though he may be far away, the child’s daddy will hear the child’s call.

Love one another. Forgive one another. Love your Creator. Remember these are our tasks. We are not here to judge one another. Ease your mind and let the Spirit fill His home made within our early bodies and mind.

As we think so shall we become.   Mind over matter. Be grateful for each Nano second and waste them not!

You might this this photo isn’t related to this post – and it really isn’t – but I wanted to share something I snapped while out running errands a week or so ago.  These are my favorite type clouds, and for a moment they took me to a dream state of peeking out from between the clouds to check out earth!  I moment of fantasy and pleasure out of no where.  They are abundant – just open your eyes and have a blessed day!

cloudsCulumus clouds                                             Splendid, eh?

 

Sept. 11 – Music to honor firemen, policemen, and all those who lost their lives on that day…

September 11, 2014

And to honor all our military who have paid the ultimate price protecting citizens- either with the critical loss of body and/or mind quality, and those who have given their lives in the service of all of us in the United States of America.  God bless them, and God bless us all.OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

OLYMPUS DIGITAL CAMERA

Photo taken during only one “conflict” – these were boys and girls we lost in ONE DAY.

Venting

August 7, 2014

HERE I AM AGAIN – Relaxing, believe it or not, but needing to air a few complaints. I would be interested in hearing yours too, if you care to comment…really!  These are my opinions, and I write them after doing quite a bit of research on the topics.  You may agree or you may disagree.  I do not intend to offend, nor do I ever intend on diluting my philosophy in order please someone.  I hope you hold true to what you believe too!  Sometimes it isn’t easy as today’s society in general says “everything” is okay.  Well, in my mind, it’s not.

What is so difficult about fencing off the border? The Great Wall of China travels some 14,000 miles, and the work began on it before Christ. Do we not have the brains to employ thousands of people by building this wall?

Both my sons married girls from other countries. It took two years for them to enter the USA legally. For those that are OBEYING the law, these illegal aliens being granted permission to stay are a slap in the face to the ones who KEEP the law, and to all citizens of the USA. Bundle up those children, give them some clothing, feed them, and send them back to their land of origin. NO OTHER country in the world would allow this. Why does our beloved (puke) government?

Did you know they are being bussed to cities and they have no money, can’t speak English, no jobs, and will increase our TWO TRILLION dollar bill to “give to those in need”? Did you know it costs that much?

I am not certain I will vote anymore, and here is why. OUR VOTE MEANS SQUAT!

So many supreme courts have overturned the people’s votes…even if measures have been voted on several times, they are proving it means NOTHING BY  overturning these measures.

I don’t get to choose my candidates. First you have to be RICH and then have clout, and then be RICH. The uneducated and illegal aliens are going to vote – and probably liberally because they will keep getting and getting what you and I have to work our lives away for – money, housing, medical, etc. etc. etc. What is wrong with that picture?

When someone gets the “death sentence” it is laughable. That means they will spend the next twenty years being supported and taken care of by you and me. They will even get glasses and dental work (our seniors don’t get that with Medicare).

Then (even though they may have RAPED and KILLED a family), if they aren’t killed fast enough, it is “cruel and unusual”. What?

The next complaint is when they sentence  a person, saying, “One-Hundred and Fifty Years to Life”.   Is there some secret life-extending potion they offer in prison? Makes the courts sound like idiots…next:

I think it is WAY TO LONG that the supreme court members have their jobs for life! We as citizens don’t select them, and they certainly are human and no matter what have their “own slant” on decisions-no matter what anyone says. Way too much power.

obama is making some big official decisions while congress is recessed. Our country will be in a tailspin if someone doesn’t stop this monster. Do not be deceived – even Satan can disguise himself as an angel of light and recite verses from the Bible.

What about OUR children? Many of the children (and it isn’t their faults) are bringing into this country lice, scabies, tuberculosis and other terrible diseases. For “enlightened parents who opted NOT to vaccine their children, watch out for them carefully!

Last legitimate complaint from me today is this:   WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING BRINGING EBOLA INTO THE UNITED STATES?  There is no cure for sure. Remember not too long ago they found some terrible ERRORS within the gates of the CDC. I think it was smallpox that was put in a cardboard box somewhere it should not have been.

You know there will be outbreaks here in the USA. I am NOT happy about saying this, but it is bound to happen.

WE NEED TO PRAY – and bond together as citizens. We are AMERICANS. We are a melting pot, it is true, but that does not mean we can let the entire world come to America! We are teaching those chilfren you can break the law in America and still get what you want.

By the way – Detroit, Philadelphia and Chicago are just three of the most dangerous places to live in America.  Will the children be placed in those cities?

“Power Corrupts – Absolute power corrupts absolutely!”

 

 

 

This is what I think today

July 20, 2014

This post is my stance on what is happening in our society in the USA.

If I sound, in length here, wild and ranting a bit, I very well may be. I am fairly- no totally disgusted with so many things I am not sure where to start.

If you watch ANY news you will find the media pitting one country against the other. The horror of those killed on one side – the horrific splay of missiles being shot at the other.

Give sympathy to both and encourage then instill the hated and anger with each other.

Who shot the passenger airline down? Biden jumped the gun and with his hollow and unintelligent mumblings saying Russia blew the plane out of the sky. The “U.S.” concluded this. No, no, no…. those in “charge”, our rich and poorly representing government officials concluded this and the media assertively (but with obvious bowing to them) headlined it.

Russia against Ukraine – the United States against Russia. Sorrow, discontent, anger and then hatred.

Strange how hated is building for Russia since it gave Snowden asylum.

What happened to the Marine who accidentally went into Mexico? Where is the traitor Obama traded 5 terrorists for now?

Wow. One Marine accidentally goes into Mexico and is jailed?

62,000 children (and many mothers) come across our borders and our beloved obama makes sure he gets (I figured this out from the amounts obama requested) $25,000. per child to house and feed.

Problem with that is these children and mothers are being placed all over the country and they will be untraceable, melding into the 11 million illegal Mexicans already here.

Children are often are brought here by criminal enterprises that smuggle them through Mexico and into the United States. When they get across the border, the children often seek out American border guards. They know the Americans will help them and send to a facility with food and other services.

However, that being said, it is amazing with the violence in Mexico and the Cartel and terrorist criminals, that the children arrived safely – no kidnappings, no beheadings, no murders, rapes or forced child labor. Thank God.

Of course no one wants a child hurt ever, but still – how they got here is a wonder! Many have scabies and lice, and many have not had MMRV vaccines, thus possibly spreading disease ( if they enroll in school or are around children) to the children whose families questioned vaccinating their children.

Welcome to NLA (North Latin America), or MexiAmerica where Christians and white people are bad. I wonder how many of the south American mothers entering are pregnant? How many will land in rich households to be maids and gardeners for government officials and CEO’s of companies.

Some are being housed in L.A. and homeless are protesting because they are citizens and no one is providing housing for them. There are thousands on the streets.

It would be a good idea too, as a special amount of water in this drought, is being saved to wash urine and fecal matter from the homeless off of the sidewalks.

obama is a racist. He denies his white all together. If you wonder why I don’t capitalize obama, it is my way of showing disrespect.

Now to the latest fad-smoking the HOOKAH- 1 hour’s worth is comparable to smoking 200 cigarettes! Yuk. Slow suicide.

Much is made of cyber-bullying. I am sorry deaths have been reported because of this phenomenon. To me this says children and teens are spending way too much time on line, and on their phones. Duh!

Bullying in schools has gone on as long as I can remember – and I have a great memory and a few decades to have learned one or two things. Bullying is cruel. Where there are growing young minds, there will always be the mean ones! They are probably the ones who turn into bad adults. But my generation handled bullying in person, with people when it happened. There are some terrible things about technology, along side with the good, and I wish it weren’t that way, but it is.

Also the illusion that on line a child can have hundreds of friends is dangerous and a flawed misnomer. Much of what is on line, in magazines, and presented to us is simply lies promoting SALES! Also, of course, racism, anger, judgments, smoking, alcohol use,jealousy, and violence are condoned and promoted through movies. Holly weird loves to pass its messages on to the public.

Fact. Did you know only three percent of the population is actually gay or lesbian? Did you also know many state courts have turned the decision the people voted on (several more votes than one), to keep marriage sanctioned only between men and women, to accommodate the voice of the gay and lesbian community? The squeaky wheel gets the grease.

We live in a toxic, desensitized, technology-addicting environment. Some of the top shows are the sleaziest, most violent, depraved, and self-deprecating pieces of work ever presented to the public. Big brother is controlling the minds of all ages – has been doing so for years.

I know love and Spirit and God are still alive and well. I know that the USA has millions and millions of citizens that are still rooted in moral principles, and want peace between citizens and other countries.

I just wish everyone around the world would not “clump” the “people of the USA” with the government, politics and the media. That is the biggest lie of all. I know the heart of the people has hope and cares about other real citizens of this country and other countries I would love to see the “people” of all countries be represented fairly instead of by the corrupt behavior and greed of so few in charge.

There will be a time.

Forgive me if there are errors. I broke my wrist a week ago, had surgery to put in plate and screws day before yesterday, and I am typing with my right hand. (I am left-handed.)

Stay strong. Keep your line of demarcation for your principles and life’s direction visible and guarded. God bless us all!

WHY I DON’T KILL MYSELF

July 2, 2014

Since my accident and eventual spinal cord damage that forced me to have my back fused, my life has changed one hundred percent. Even more than the visible injuries, the injuries that are invisible almost make my life JUST a repetition of more doctors and often feeling like crap! Pretty honest, and it’s absolutely the truth.

I know – it sucks. There are days (and I am having one, thus far, today) – when I wish I could just throw in the towel and say, “That’s enough – I am done!”

There is not a day that I can forget I am now disabled permanently. Between pain and the “various” other disabilities, my life is changed forever.

I am also battling with major depression. I don’t really share with anyone anymore the battle I have not to be totally nuts! My poor husband has been stellar, and now I am putting lots of moans and groans, and depression, and down times, to rest…it’s between God and me – and you, of course.

 

Now you might ask then, why I don’t kill myself?

 

First of all, with suicide, there is no “taking it back”. “Whoops! Guess I changed my mind after all!” Besides suicide is the way out for those who don’t call upon inner strength. I am not a weakling – even though a lot of my strength comes from “self-talk”.

I will not give up.

There are several other big reasons, and the first being I am a Christian, and suicide is against my spiritual beliefs. But even if it were not a matter of my spiritual beliefs, even if I believed suicide was okay, I still wouldn’t do it.

It’s not that I am afraid, because I am not. I just believe there is something that is placed inside each of us that gives us, innately, the strength to fight to live. The only time that strength flees is when drugs and/or alcohol drown the true pure spirit.

I believe this with all my heart, and still after so many trials in my life, I fight to live. In fighting, however, sometimes have to settle for barter with life.

Mama told me there are three things I can count on in life:

  1. God
  2. Her love
  3. Change

I find, after all these years of living, she was right on the money. Number three is the one that happens EVERYDAY, and OFTEN without ANY NOTICE!

So here are VALID reasons not even to entertain that thought in my mind (or perhaps YOURS)!

  1. HOPE – I still have a feeling of expectation Perhaps something will change tomorrow. Could be ANYTHING – new cure, a visit from a long-lost friend, winning the lottery, having the best steak I’ve ever eaten, the best sex ever, a television show that is so fun I can’t stop laughing for a day! I would never know if I killed myself. If any of these things could have come to fruition.
  2. Once the deed was done there would never be another full moon to see, a bird to listen to, a book to read, a sky full of stars to gaze at, a beloved animal to pet and love, a child to sit on my lap for a visit in the spring, summer, winter, or fall,. I would miss it all, and that isn’t even the tip of the iceberg, as the saying goes.
  3. I am selfish. I love spending time with my husband, family and/or friends. I love my time alone to regenerate and think and write. I love to find a great bargain at a yard sale. I love to cook. I love taking photographs of people and places. I anticipate perhaps just hope, I will be able to travel to new places sometime. I guess I still like many things that life offers me.
  4. My “legacy” (don’t know if anyone would care besides my family) would be a lie. All the years I taught, and teach stress management and relaxation would be lies. I would have taken the “chicken” way out, and my whole life would have been for nothing.
  5. If there is a blazing hellfire, I do not want to be in it. I suffer when I get sunburned, and to me, fire is the scariest thing I know. I do not want to “burn, baby, burn”.

I think those five reasons add up to hundreds of personal reasons I cannot ever kill myself. Besides, I REFUSE to throw in the towel and let life stomp me out. I do not believe suicide is a natural thought.

I believe it has been placed in our minds by evil, whether it is from a movie, or a terrible murder-suicide, or a song. I also STRONGLY BELIEVE that ninety-nine percent of those who commit suicide either had mental issues, serious ones, or were plied with alcohol and/or drugs. Think about that one. Review the most recent “self destruction” you know about, and I bet there were drugs or alcohol involved, or severe mental illness.

Writing is a wonderful release, and you do not need to have a blog, or be perfect in English, to write your thoughts on paper.

Don’t give up! Besides, what if reincarnation is a fact and you had to come back as a maggot becaue you had killed yourself. Yuck.

Instead – begin again – CREATE your life, and I pray it is better as each moment passes!

I am praying for me too! God bless you and God help us all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

4 MILLION women are beaten and abused each year.

June 6, 2014

Is that shocking?

Well how’s this for a shocker? That is in the USA – not a third world country! I tried to find statistics on men being beaten or killed by their spouse or partner, but I came up with pretty much nothing. I know there have been some such instances.

The leading cause of violence to women fifteen to forty-four, ( car accidents, mugging and rapes combined) is caused by their husband or domestic partner.)

Here is another stunning fact. 16% of young men between the ages of eleven and twenty are serving time for killing their mother’s abusers.

Something is wrong with this picture! Agreed!

I spoke to a weapons expert in length day before yesterday, and he was kind enough to share some pretty important tips for women who are, or may be in a position to be beaten,

or even worse.   Marshall also teaches a self-defense class.

He seemed appalled that anyone would touch a woman in that manner. He seems to be a really decent man. This is what he shared with me.

1. No stun gun. The stun gun must be held against a person 15 seconds to be effective. In an emergency situation, one mistake and it’s over.

2. No knife. Same result if you aren’t fast and an expert.

3. No gun – unless you have a permit to carry a concealed weapon, know how to use it, and are defending your own life. God forbid you are ever in that scenario!

4. No taser as you have to aim and hit dead on. Even if that happens the connection can be pulled off in most circumstances. Police almost always have a back-up.

5. Pepper Spray – YES! YES! YES! Have your pepper spray in a pocket or concealed within immediate reach. Before he can reach you, spray directly in his eyes. It has to be either in your hand so it is unseen, or concealed in some manner, because if he sees it he can block the spray from his eyes.

This is something Marshall told me that I found extremely interesting. Once you spray the attacker – keep spraying directly in the eyes until the canister is completely empty!

That is important.

He assured me that if you use the whole can you will have time to grab whatever you need (like car keys and a purse)-pick- up the baby (babies) – and escape.

It will not permanently damage the eyes, but will disable your attacker.

He suggested that if you’ve never used a pepper spray before, buy an extra one and go some place and practice.

Practice the “draw”- practice spraying – spray the entire container, and practice, practice, practice.

Rehearse it in your mind an emergency scenario. Keep in mind wind/or a fan can send the spray where it shouldn’t go, so be careful!

Another tip I got was when you are walking alone, keep spray in hand, or car keys. Don’t put yourself in harm’s way, and walk proudly, keeping an eye on your surroundings if you feel insecure.

I firmly believe if a man or woman is drunk – IT IS NOT the time to fight.  Drunks cannot be reasoned with, and sometimes get violent.  Also, I have known women who “egg a man on” – taunt him with words that instigate a man to loose control.  NO that is not reason to abuse physically, but women can sometimes STOP a situation from accelerating by simply being quiet and walking away.

Some good  advice is to NOT listen to music or TALK ON THE PHONE, when you are the least bit nervous about walking or running. Those things put you at a real disadvantage. I know it’s not the most fun, but neither is abuse!

LASTLY – I am aware that there are men who are abused.

I actually have known a man who had a knife drawn on him by his own wife.

In the instance of man vs. woman, I believe that men are born stronger than women…even a small man can probably handle a woman strength-wise. I actually had an attempted rape by a man much smaller than myself. He was able to drop me on the floor quickly.

I thank God I was able to talk my way out of that situation.

Honestly, I do not know how a man would handle a woman abuser, except possibly “contain” her until she calms down – or better yet, WALK AWAY! Get out of the situation, and don’t return for more unless there is a conversation, and counseling. Why put yourself in a volitale position?

I pray you never have ANY abuse (verbal or physical) – man, or woman.  Let’s try to use our intelligence to solve problems…..Have a safe weekend and God bless you!

 

 

 

 

 

DREAMS

May 7, 2014

This is my six-hundred and twenty-third post.  You may think it a bit bizarre, but once in a while, I may be a bit bizarre!

Here I am again, armed withwords, ready to spew forth on paper, from the depth of my dreams the last couple of nights, what needs for me to be released.

Dreams have been a vast portion of my life. For eons dreams have been considered prophecy, or the brain settling in on incidents in a persons life. They have even been considered nonsensical, to have no meaning at all.

They mean something to me. In my life I had two two specific queries I put in my prayers. I needed immediate help with answers, and awoke at four in the morning with my answers. I immediately wrote the dreams on paper, and forthwith followed those answers to perfection.

My dreams have ALWAYS been my “other” life, taking me to places I have never seen and introducing me to peoples I have never met. Ninety-nine percent of the time I have loved my dreams and often wished I could stay in them. On occasion I have closed my eyes and once again returned to the places of my dreams.

I rarely forget my dreams, and only once in a while are they confusing. The best part of my dreams, ever, is flying. There is something in my living soul that makes me feel if I could just remember how – I could fly. I remember lifting off the ground and the positions I was in, and even the places I have flown in my dreams.

Well the past two nights were not so light. If you think I am insane, I am to a certain extent, I think we all have a “touch” of insanity. A human factor that sometimes can be unsettling.

I have no evil in me. Of that I am certain. Just still a “believer” in human kind,  and sometimes that has caused me to make terrible choices. Also, I admit, I have justified certain events in my life so I could “allow” myself to do whatever it was I justified. Big mistake. Alcohol was always involved in my worst mistakes (my husband calls alcohol “devil juice).

This first dream fogs in on a man I once knew who was evil. He was the epitome of evil.

He could make you believe there was good in him, and after a while, would draw you into his scheme of things. He hurt everyone that was in his life.

I bought into his program and wound up marrying him. We were married two years before I realized he was an alcoholic that sat in bars all day while I worked. He was a cheat, and a liar.

I could write a book about the five years I tossed into the trash can, but I survived and learned that which I need never have learned! This man died ten years ago, and it has been over thirty years since I was with him. He killed himself with alcohol and drugs, as he was facing prison for abusing and stealing from the elderly.

Still, he has never left me alone. When he died he was the first person I felt no regret for his death. I only felt relief because he would never hurt anyone again. But in my dreams he has surfaced time and time again.

Each time he was up to his old tricks.   After the dreams I always awoke with the feeling that I wished he would leave me alone! I wondered how long this would go on.

Well night before last it ended. Somehow in this fog we were near a lake – there were inlets and small boats traversing hidden coves. I was not privy to how I killed him, but in my dream he was reduced to a small packet (about the size of a baseball card), and he was dead. I tried to get rid of the card by throwing it in the water, but it floated.

So I took it up and wandered around trying to finish him for good.

There was a campfire close by, not really the kind in a pit, but in a deep barrel. It was burning hotly. I threw the packet in the white-hot fire and he was gone, burnt to ashes.

I knew he would never be back and I felt safe.

Upon waking I was startled, not because I remembered my dreams, but because I knew he would never bother them again. It was finished.

Last night in my dreams I was on crutches, ambling on foot through an unfamiliar town.

I limped past bars, and heard loud voices trying to “out volume” each other. I made it through stores that were closed, and began to walk on the sidewalk. It was going uphill, and I tired, so I went into a store that carried just about everything.

It was busy, but very interesting. I got to the back of the store and saw a green velvet chair that looked very comfortable. I sat down and noticed a pile of large photo albums stacked next to me. I randomly picked one up, and when I looked at the first photo I realized it was pertaining to me, and all that has been in my life, to this point. I turned each page and was fascinated to see all those who have crossed my path, and those who have been in my life for a long while.

About half was through I began to see photographs that were less than photos you would put in your album. Large photographs that reflected things in my life that was prior to this between only me, God, and maybe one or two other human beings. Certainly photographs that I don’t remember, but they were all inclusive as to reflect the times in my life I would rather keep to myself. It was humbling and also a revelation to see experiences and reflections of “another me”.

Somehow, when I awoke, I felt that it was all revealed, and that I am now never to be bothered by the man who haunted my dreams, and that I would never again lean towards a diminishing of my Spirit, nor waste a moment of this precious life. It has been a cleansing two nights, and now that I have written it on paper, things that I will not have to see or review again…for now.

If you dream you will understand. If you don’t, I hope at least I have been able to air my dreams and share with you two nights that I believe are very important in my life.

As I said earlier in the post, sometimes my dreams are so very wonderful I never want to wake up! I call my dreams, “My other life”. I will fly again. So now do you think I am mad?

Have a beautiful day and do not toss to the wind a moment of your life. The moments of your life do the “flying” and I want them to be filled with joy and unrelenting good! You don’t have to be a saint, but be kind, be wise, love mightily, and forgive those who have made mistakes and are trying to go on the right path. That does not mean you have to “hang out” with them, but if you do not forgive, it only hurts you! Be kind to you.

Thanks reading my post! I will write again soon, and one never knows, it may again touch on dreams or who knows what!

 

 

This morning’s post is rather scattered, but I never claimed to be one hundred percent normal.

December 11, 2013

This is where I am this morning – where ever it may be:
When I can’t lift my feet to move out of the bed and wonder
Why there is another morning
My mind turns to the men and the women who have given
Their limbs, their lives,
To defend career politicians

Each time before a plunder or a war, they permeates our minds,
With hatred contempt, and wasted time spend hating the whole world blind.
He never knew why the hatred current raged,

He never knew why his directive was to become engaged
To kill at will, to find and maim, he was taught to be loyal to our country,
His efforts would keep us free.

They lied to our children, they lied to us, now we are seated in a
Place of ill trust.  Bleed the workers dry.  Let the sluffers lie.
.

When I try to walk and the pain shoots through my leg like a bullet,
I remember I have never seen bullets fly.
I have never seen the blood of a stranger I had to kill.

These men and women so valiantly stand, while the politicians
Just smile and put out their hand.
I want a trip, time off with the family, take your guns away, but
My guard is a dandy.

Suits and ties cover lies for a while, a band of white teeth
Spread across a smiling face, why it is our politicians,
Cheating on wives, lying to our faces, writing bad checks, they still have their places.

Why shouldn’t they smile they have it all, had millions to spend on elections, and now
Everything is tfor them for free – dash the salary.  Who needs it?

This is scattered like my emotions.  My pain is overwhelming; I cannot even imagine the courage of this brave group of souls who are guardians to our nation.  They give
Limbs and lives believing they are protecting the sovereignty of our beautiful nation,
While elected officials, all along, plan their vacation.

Centered I must be now and face my pain. Faith carries me to where I must go, though where it may be, I simply don’t know. My heart and my prayers and my gratitude to all who have died – and to those who suffer far more than me, for to live in continuous
pain and anguish is the hardest of all, these young men and women, these babes from our arms sent to war after war.

While the cronies laugh amongst themselves, reveling in their power and might, the people, we know – something’s not right.  It must change.  No more wars, no more
playing of the world like a monopoly game.

I wonder what would happen if each one in power was to find themselves required to send one son or daughter to the front lines of a war.  Required to watch as they come
home without limbs or in a body bag.  Do you think this would open their eyes.

Do you know there is only a VERY TINY percentage of men and women in our congress now who have served in the armed forces?  They don’t feel our pain, our poverty, our loss.  They don’t care, I swear.

The band of citizens is growing in numbers – a group united by God and living souls.
There will be a time of remorse to many, but their time will have passed.

I still believe in the power of one person to make a difference.  You will have a domino effect on those in the circle of your life. The world’s peoples are growing impatient with the greedy bastards.  Power with love and what is right.  Never give up or give in.  I won’t – I promise.