Posts Tagged ‘payback’


August 24, 2010

My husband says I’m vindictive. Definition: “Strong or unreasoning desire for revenge: someone who harbors a grudge for a perceived wrongdoing. A person feels the need to get even.”

K. I concur. There have been times I have felt the need to pay it backwards…instead of pay it forward. I am a human being. I am a survivor. I was treated like a piece of meat!

I guess I could have curled up into a little ball and left this planet, as I know it. I am just not that sort. I’ve never killed anyone, though I took a shot at someone one time. It was purposeful. I am a good shot and I simply was sending the message, “Leave or you will pay – not me.” It worked.

It’s not that I am vindictive. I am just a creature of balance. When the chosen treatment of another human to me is not fair / nor warranted, I just seem to have the innate push to level the table.

I forgive. I am not unforgiving, truly. I have made too many mistakes in my life to not forgive another for his or her mistakes. That doesn’t mean I will foster a continuing friendship or continue to keep the relationship alive. I will forgive and move on.

I even try to go the extra mile. I go overboard to understand circumstances; I try to not be overwhelmed by what’s been done to me, but to step into the moccasins of another human being.

There is a point, though, that I draw the line of demarcation and step away from the lit dynamite. I declare my will, my desires, my stance on life and the workings of the Spirit from within me.

I never declare victory. The victory (it has been escaping with my life and the lives of my children) belongs to the power of God from within, and prayer. Without it I would have been a goner long ago.

I feel the gift of “choosing to fight back” has kept me alive. Never give up, and never give in. RIGHT IS MIGHT. (That doesn’t mean selfishness, blindness in vision). You know what it means. Listen.