Posts Tagged ‘poetry’

Here is the Confession

September 6, 2016

Here is the confession. Since my accident and incidents therein,

Too often I fall into deep depression.

 

I know in cyberspace there are fellow humans of like mind,

sometimes we search for answers, but answers do not find.

 

There is nothing shameful about having depression you see,

It happens in this lifetime, next door and across the sea,

It happens to us all -to you, and even me.

 

We are human. We feel love, terror, and pain, trauma.

Depression can hit us all – depression is not drama!

 

I awoke this morning covered with sorrow like dense fog.

Unable to find the departure, chained like a wild dog.

 

“What is the purpose of life?” I thought. My life is changed forever, and not for better.

I had a pity party – a pitiful one – no one came.

 

It was only I, raging like I was waging a war against myself.

Then praying, while rather insane, I placed my mind upon a shelf.

 

At last I thought, I knew what to do. Divert my own attention to something else……and maybe you should too.

 

So I left the room I was working in, took a breath or two and dropped to my knees.

“Give me help dear Lord, I prayed, let my heart feel at peace, if you please.”

 

Here I lay in bed, with laptop resting on my legs.

Writing simple poetry, trying to turn a phrase.

 

If I dwell on my sorrow, and cry and whimper, I will to hell cross the line,

Then I won’t smile or have joy in this moment of time.

 

All we have is this moment to live,

I must turn my thoughts not to get, but to love and to give.

 

I lay here and realize I still can write.

I can see in the daytime, and find rest at night.

 

Within there is a flicker of my light that should shine for many reasons I know.

I will find a few to jostle my memory, and wrestle depression with strength just to show….

 

I can DO whatever I think I can! My sorrows are few compared to many a man.

I do not know how much I time I have left to look at my life – nor days to enjoy.

 

I want to be an example of faith and of love,

I will keep praying for power from that of above.

 

I AM better already, can you read and see? Like I would with a child who needs help,

I diverted my own attention, and the task set me free.

 

Change your thoughts, change your emotions.

Use your wits to climb from the pits.

 

You may think this a silly poem, and some might think it not a poem at all.

But by taking the time to write it I kept myself from a major fall!

 

Do not stumble, do not muddle your thoughts to far worse than it is!

Now what was the stress management technique I used?

Ah, yes,….this is a quiz!

 

Simple and easy what to do – divert your attention – and God will bless you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is a post I have republished before….HUMOR. My girlfriend’s complaints about aging.

August 26, 2016

Why is the only hair on my body that hasn’t turned gray the long black hair growing from my nose?

Why didn’t anyone ever tell me that not only would everything “drop” as I aged, but my feet would also get bigger?

Why was I only told my bones would get weaker as I aged, and not that I would grow bony protrusions and knobby outgrowths everywhere on my body?

Why didn’t anybody tell me I would not only gain more wisdom than ever in my lifetime, but no body would listen to me?

How did I somehow miss that men not only loose their hair and get a receding hairline – but women often do as well?

I thought only Pinocchio’s nose grew bigger.

Why is it when you successfully age with good health no one will honor that with reasonable life insurance…every year I stay healthy my insurance rates go up!

You know the joy of having less hair to shave on your legs when you age is diminished by the fact all that hair grows on your face.

“Smile wrinkles” show you are happy. That’s crap. Just another group of wrinkles on your face.

I can eat the same food I always did, exercise the same, and still, when I look into the mirror I can see the fat accumulating on my stomach, hips and thighs. If I try to loose weight more wrinkles appear – gain it – my boobs hang down even further.

Shirley Temple can have dimples.   I am sick of the dimples all over my body. And no matter what anybody tries to sell you – they will never go away once you have them!

Okay stop eating candy and rub cream all over your legs. The dimples will still increase and you won’t get to eat your sugar quota or have the money to buy it!

Being a grandma is great. Being the built in baby sitter isn’t.

I was in the yard picking up dog poop (with a shovel of course), and also getting rid of mushrooms that grow wild and can be poisonous to dogs. . “Ah ah”, I thought, “two of those huge mushrooms right in front of me.” I picked them up, and to my dismay, it was two firm pieces of dog poop! One thing about not using your glasses when you get older is you don’t see as well without them.

The next time I went out, it was with glasses on. I love autumn – all the colors, and the crunch of leaves beneath my feet. What I don’t love is picking up dog poop with my hand for the second time, thinking it was acorns! Guess it’s time to get new glasses.

I went to the doctor a few days ago. I knew I would be hooked up to acupuncture needles and laying flat on my tummy for 30 minutes, so I thought since I was loaded with nasty gas, I would step into the hall and relieve myself quickly before being called in. I looked to the right and up the stairs and released a loud and long fart. I had forgotten to look to the left – there was a woman a couple of feet away on her cell phone. I tried to pretend it didn’t happen and slipped back into the office quickly.

I remember when I was married to an ass, one time we were at our son’s pack meeting for cub scouts, sitting in the very back of a crowed room. He thought he would be funny and let a loud and enormous fart and turned to me and called my name loudly – and indignantly…. as if I’d done it. Everyone looked at me. Some giggled and others looked disgusted. He paid for that one later.

Why is it my nose is running all the time now, and with no place to go. The world gets more enclosed as you get older. Most people walk by and go “Ugh, an old person.” They try to get away quick as if they will catch being old. Well here is the news people, if you don’t get old you are dead!

I saw a commercial with two old people flirting, dancing and kissing. Even I was appalled. Take it to a motel, and make it one with no mirrors on the closet doors – follow the new adage – “what happens in the motel, stays in the motel.”

Lastly in my list of complaints about aging…I think the funniest of all. My girlfriend said she didn’t have her glasses on and she brushed her teeth with hemorrhoid cream. She said it made her gag and almost throw up. That’s not the funniest thing about this – she did it twice.! WEAR YOUR GLASSES GIRLFRIEND!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Above the Clouds

August 4, 2014

Above the clouds my heart plateaus, and I reflect on this life, much of which, I squandered. For every right and wrong impacts me like a rapidly moving train.

As the miles skirt by, beyond the speed of my thoughts, I anticipate the return to the true vision of the life I have created beyond the ruins of another time and place.

There were alcohol induced sexual frenzies driven by the images of the media, and only thwarted by the mornings and the return of spirit.

The obsession and repetitive thought and images drove me towards alcohol and drugs, and the eventual weakening of my own tapestry, and they broke my line of defense. The line of demarcation I should never have crossed.

I felt anxious to be courageous again, yet with the reoccurring thoughts I needed the those things -the irresistible spirits of alcohol and drugs; alas they waved me towards darker places and my light and energy transformed in another kind of fear and darkness.

Chemical madness kept me enchanted and repelled.

With spirit and thought diminished and besmeared, there is no movement upward and onward.

Darkness subdues and restricts, but light revitalizes and frees by scattering the darkness. Thus, illuminating the surroundings, arousing those who sleep, and allowing humans to carry out their lives.

After, I could see the glimmer of hope, and feel the planting of regretful feet firmly on the ground. With spirit fully in tack and operational, hope enlarged and change came to fruition.

For my own dreams and visions, for my own beliefs and desires, not plied with darkness and its companions, I am able to see with clarity. I can read the eyes now, and smell the scent of evil. If there is no obvious sign of love, I move quickly away, and return to tbe strength of my own convictions.

May 2, 2014

Just a quick Thursday good morning, afternoon or evening to you . The days are flying by and I have been trying to complete six books before it’s time to die. No one knows when that will happen and I have spent most of my life writing so I determined sometime after my accident no one will finish what it’s taken me years to write – except me!

Believe it or not they are mostly written – the most difficult part is proofing, making covers and getting everything just right to be put on Amazon. I had a contract with a publishing company for one of my books – the one on how to care for an aging parent – but they sat on it for seven years and I am blessed those years just finished.

I have reconciled, to accept my disabilities as permanent-only because of my faith in God, and my tenacious drive for life, can I do this.  It was a year ago today I was in surgery with a great neurosurgeon (thank you Lord) and getting my back fixed after a burst compression fracture.  I could be completely paralyzed, or dead!

To accept my disabilities as permanent is difficult, but not impossible. Such is life. It isn’t always what we expect, but I expect the best, and perhaps my vision will be clearer now that I am unable to dance all over the place! I can walk (it’s not a very pretty walk), and I have to use a can, and I can write. I can dance in a way, and surely in my head.

I am a stubborn little woman, and my husband still says, after 26 years, a hand full.

So the books will be done within this year. That is my determination. This is what they are:

  1. Lessons in Love – about taking care of a parent, giving them happiness until they die, and not going crazy or getting exhausted in the process. It’s kind of a love story about me caring for my mama for ten years – and we both gained from it!

I am exhausted tonight so I will ignore any typos (sorry!)

2.Whiskeyton. Has nothing to do with Whiskey! This photography- views of a lake and the surrounding mountains from a kayak. Took me from 2004-20011 to get all the photographs, and there will be inspiration (I hope) with each photo, and a Bible verse below. I think, whether you believe in the Bible or not, it is a great book for training in life. It will be for children and adults.

3. The Last Resort – Photographs (again), a  view of the homeless in my area, and of course some interviews and thoughts on the scenario.

4.  Toll 63 – a very interesting book about the lives of an oilman in the early days, a disabled and vibrant young woman, and what transpires when they join forces.  It progresses and follows the life of one of their twins.  The time spans from 1916 to this very day!  I love it so far – do you think I am predjudice?

4.  The Best Bedtime Stories. Positive and fun, the stories are done and I am just waiting for the illustrations.

5.  Poetry, Prose and Private Property.  This book could spares no details and touches every aspect of being human!

I am not trying to brag, there are so many unbelievable authors, but I feel good about my work.  I feel like it is from the heart, experience, and always with a positive overtone – no matter how difficult the experience.

Therein is why my posts have been thin in nature.

I am not trying to brag, but I am not a “salesperson” and if I don’t know the quality of my own “products” I should not sell!  I do think God gives each of us a gift and I am working hard at using it!

Well, that’s it for now. Just an update as to where I have been. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE – don’t waste a second of your precious life in anger, fear, or hate. It is NOT WORTH IT as you truly will be the one who pays the big price.

LOVE ONE ANOTHER. I love you for reading! I love you for being my brother and sister human beings! God bless you and your families. I mean it sincerely!

Rambling from the heart

February 21, 2014

Beautiful is a friend who always there for you, even if she should be taking care of herself.
Beautiful is kindness that comes directly from the heart, and is unending for those in need.
Beautiful is a smile that doesn’t have to be pasted on, but one that reflects joy and sincerity.
Beautiful is character that molds itself from life’s experiences, and grows in quality and positive traits.
Beautiful is being able to face someone and look them in the eyes and know they love you too.
Beautiful is faith that is recognized, and credit given to He that paid the highest sacrifice.
Beautiful is genuine motivation to purse something in life that shares healing with others.

Beautiful is a word that cannot be fully described, yet you know when you see real beauty
because there is a vibrance, and a shining glow that can only be captured with the word beautiful!

Be beautiful  – it’s possible for all – for beauty lies within the heart, so open yours and let your light shine.  When you love, love will come to you bountifully.

Learn to give, and you learn to live!

———————————————————-

Outside my window

Life goes on

Little Bird still sits on a branch close by

He peers into look at me and I look at him

Little wings and beak

Human limbs healing, but still weak

Red berries in the bush

Posion to humans

Delight to feathered friends

Life goes on

It never really ends

On to something new

Change is imminent

Guaranteed

God bless those bound to home

Never freed

Life goes on

Still all is new

CREATE this day

And ……God bless you!

A poem for You

July 5, 2012

(more…)

I Saw God

May 20, 2012

I looked outside the window this morning, cozy in my soft light blanket.  I opened the window and the leaves in the trees glistened while being gently moved by a breeze, I couldn’t see.

I heard the Mockingbird sing the song of ten birds, all in tune, and proudly as if the whole world could see and hear his songs.  I couldn’t see him.

Doves have nested somewhere close by, and throughout the day I may see them, if I look quickly, dart to and fro, and talk to each other with a melodic “coo-coo”.

The shadow of a cat walked on my fence and my dog ran quickly to the edge, fierce and ready to attack.  I doubt that she would know what to do if she caught up with the cat.  She is gentle and a love to everyone.  I would have it no other way.

There is a crisp  about the air, though the heat has already begin to settle in comfortably.

When I sat outside to have my coffee I wondered how many people are not privileged to have such luxuries.  I felt blessed. It matters not how much money I have, nor what the future holds.

This moment is golden and this morning I saw God, once again, in every wonderful touch of nature and it’s creatures; the sights and sounds.

If you haven’t seen God yet today.  Look around.  Look at a child, a puppy, your hands, your eyes, your heart.

I saw God….you will too, if you only look.

LIFE and such

January 24, 2010

LIFE said to me: ” I suck.”

I said: “No. You can’t. I have lived all my life loving you.”

LIFE frowned and said to me: “I suck all the life out of you. I take your freedom and power and excitement and spirit, and turn them into boredom, remorse, anger, and guilt.
I suck.”

I said: “Okay sometimes you suck.”

MEMORIES said to me: “I suck too. I won’t let you forget the past! The anger and errors and injustices that have been a part of your life, they must be kept alive.” MEMORIES cringed and laughed because if I “forgot, he would be dead, and I would move along the path forward, never hesitating because of bad memories lingering in the past:

I said: Not even. I love the memories of good times past, and the people I have loved and those who have loved me. Ambrosia.”

DEATH piped in: “None of this matters for I will have you in the end. You are mine and I will have you after MEMORIES stop you dead in your tracks, and after LIFE has sucked all the life out of you.”

“Oh, snap” I said. “I will love you LIFE, all the days of mine. I will laugh and enjoy the individual windfalls of you.

I will honor the finer parts of my history, and revel in them, MEMORIES.

DEATH, you don’t scare me! You will have me only for less time than it takes me to swallow. I will instantly soundly sleep, awaiting God and the pleasure of His company.

Gifts for us All

December 4, 2009

To stir my past, and still present today, here are a few things of earth and the heavens I have loved since my memory of things began. These gifts I will love until the wisp of my life sails away.

The full moon rising

The sound of a train whistle in the distance

Walking in the falling leaves and crunching the ones blanketing the sidewalks and lawns in autumn.

The fragrance of the jasmine flowers and gardenias

The crackling of wood on a campfire, the toasty feeling sitting near it.

The vastness of the sky out of the city, bursting with stars shining and twinkling

Standing in the sunshine and feeling it heat my body after a dip in a cold lake

The smell of pine trees after rain

New fallen snow

The feel of a cool breeze, ever so slight, brushing across my face, giving me chills and making me smile.

The feel of a warm breeze that is able to cool me down in the heat of the hot and still day.

Cool, clear water. The sound of a creek. The sound of a river.

Sand between my toes.

The diversity of the lands and waters of the planet.

The vision of lightning, and the clap of thunder ringing in my ears

Pounding rain turning to little balls of ice, then to water again.

The flowers and plants that blossom right though a rock. The flowers in water.

The light of the sun peeking through lace curtains as it nears dusk, and the smell of chocolate chip cookies freshly baked.
There are so many things unmentioned that are so wonderful to enjoy if we just open our eyes and ears. I want to pay attention to that which was given as gifts to humankind.
Time is fleeting. Enjoy your lives! ☺

Today I saw a butterfly

September 4, 2009

butterfly It came to land on a daisy first.
It did not just flutter by. I think it knew I was watching it. Intent- so entralled was I. The yellow was soft in color like a pat of butter melting and dripping off the plate of flapjacks. The pin striping of stark black boldly flowed from wing to wing. The butterfly was wings open full bore when landing on a blossom. I don’t know where their eyes are but she saw me snap her lingering on the petals. It was joyous to share the time with sweet nature. We didn’t speak the same language, but we shared common ground. I hope she was as fascinated with me as I with her.

It was a good day.