Posts Tagged ‘reality’

DREAM

May 22, 2017

Since I broke my back there have been many residual effects physically that I deal with on a basis between me and God. So many emotions and set backs, so much to deal with physically and mentally. Yet I know many living souls must endure hardships.

The dream last night was the most predominant over me physically that I have ever had. It was terrifying. It almost kept me prisoner. I normally awake at 8AM, but on occasion 7 or 7:30. I couldn’t see the clock that has quietly ticked by my bed since mama gave it to me over twenty years ago.

I closed my eyes peacefully, exhausted. I began remembering the horror that beset my life so many years earlier.

I was in the midst of the most time of unrest, confusion and pleasure concocted together in a cocktail of alcohol, remorse, sadness and joys of the the highest in nature…shaken with physical pain and turmoil.

The dream manifested in a home near a large prison. The home itself was a giant maze of rooms and windows and people. I was traveling with someone who gave me love and caused me grief simultaneously. Mixed with memories of past and what seemed the present, we spent time with people who seemed nice but had motives beyond the purity of my mind. It seemed as if the entire place was a nest of normal looking people who were scarred or playing games of sex and violence.

My traveling companion and I parted often while in this house, as the hostess was showing me the projection of the continuous building of the house. He disappeared and appeared frequently enough not to be unsettling.

She showed me the biggest room being built, and it faced a prison, both with men and women.
You could see them though an iron fence clearly – walking and being lead here and there. Suddenly officers burst into the room and told the woman she would need to close up all windows facing the prison. The next few minutes were confusing and filled with the bustle of officers and strange faces confronting one another.

I knew it was time to go. I didn’t want to be there anyway. I thought someone I had believed to be in the prison was with my animals, and I needed to find out for sure. That was the purpose of the trip. It was then the companion appeared. He had been having sex with many of the women. I swallowed hard but wasn’t hurt. I just wanted to leave.

I knew this had happened and I told my companion “We need to leave. He hemmed and said it was made excuses to keep stopping on the trek. We made our way through the rooms and I politely said goodbye, I am leaving. He chose to come but stopped along the way and was engaged in sex with both genders now. If was a sickness. There were excuses made. His spirit had left him exiting through indulgences.. There was no excuse to me.

Ready to go, sitting in a blue vehicle that was open, long, and with only two seats. It was more like sitting in a futurist ride at a fairground, but it was sitting next to others similar, in nature. No wheels, no steering. He said he needed to do something before we left. I sat.

Then I got up and looked and he was sexually interacting with several men. I had to leave, only to find myself wondering from place to place in what seemed like a number of stores with cobblestone walk ways. I saw a mix of others…some of his kind – those he had known, and many who were in my position. I was exhausted and sat down to get off my feet. They had begun to be numb again, tingling and painful.

I heard music, rather a loud rhythm to music, like a drum in the distance getting louder. All I wanted to do was get out of there. Before I could leave someone brought my traveling companion and said he had caring for him. He had been in a fight and my fraudulent friend was in a state of permanent brain damage, and would be there laying down forever. He was still with eyes closed. It was better. I told him I could not take him and I could not stay. The man nodded.

The next thing I remember clearly was thinking I needed to move and get out of there. I opened my eyes and tried to move. I was in bed laying on my side and my feet wouldn’t move….its happened before for a moment upon waking, but this time it seemed my arms, (one by my side, and one overhead) wouldn’t move. I tried to keep my eyes open, but they began to close and I was in the dream again, with the drumming loud now. I closed my eyes and felt absolute fear.

I tried again to open my eyes, or to move, and though they opened and I was cognizant of wanting to move, they closed again and I couldn’t. I was frozen in that position, literally frozen, but my mind knew I had to move. I thought of calling the dog to awaken me, but words wouldn’t come out of my mouth. I was terrified now. My eyes closed again and I knew I was returning to this place – but I knew I must not do so. I did briefly, then startled myself trying to awake.

I turned to God now as I always do and asked for help. As He always does, in one way or another, He made me know I was going to move. He never leaves me but asks only that I call upon Him for help.

I moved my my arm above my head and wiggled my fingers. I worked my eyes until they stayed open, and began to force my back to turn and my legs to move. It was terrified to be frozen in real time. Terrified. It was not a dream now….I had passed from a state of unconscious life not under my control…. I was coming back. I moved my arm now that was at my side, and used it to help turn me to my back. I felt the sting of pain, and a push behind me.
When I first moved, I felt I wanted to return to the place I had just been…I had not gotten the task of finding my dog and my friend completed. That wasn’t it. I somehow wanted, in part, to return. But I was horrified at the thought of laying there unable to moved and with my mind and body fully in another place – one that was filled with fear and one that took the purity of my mind and held it captive.

My eyes wanted to close, but only God could keep them open. The thought of Him empowered my movements and I turned to my other side, forcing my legs and feet to move with me.

I took a breath and abruptly sat and then with feet still not under my control I stood and moved quickly to keep my presence. I ambled down the hallway, saw the dog laying in the kitchen, and he lifted his head and looked at me. Somehow he senses when I am in peril and I was still terrified. I moved from room to room awakening those frozen limbs, my eyes now fully opened.

I was beyond that place and wandering from room to room, until fully separated. I knew I had to write this dream, as I do many dreams, and begin to live in this world again. This struggle with my body movement and breaking loose was not a dream. I feel I am to reiterate – “Time is of the essence. Move, be alive and choose wisely.”

Minutes passed and I asked the dog to sit on the bed next to me, which he eagerly did, as I reached for this laptop to record the nights events and the exit from one real world to the other.

My exit is complete now and I feel exonerated from the night. I was not deluded with alcohol or other drugs when I said good night to my husband and switched off the light.

I am fully awake now. I don’t want to go to that place again. It has nothing for me. I stopped writing for a moment, stretched my neck and turned and looked at the clock. One hour has passed since the trauma of awakening and movement began. It feels good to be able to stretch and move. I am scarred but alive – I never want to be taken away like that wherein I am “almost” unable to return.
I remember my dreams, sometimes for years, though I have never been trapped like that in one before. I do not want to experience that again. I know my dreams will continue. I know this dream has meaning for those who understand.

Before I could post this, my dog jumped off the bed in panic. I rushed to the backslider and opened it and he proceeded to throw up from the beginning of the patio to the edge of the grass.
Far-fetched I know, but looking at the mess to clean up. I thought he took the remnants of the horrible feelings I had on this bed, in escaping this dream, and he vomited them up .

He feels better now, and so do I.

I have thanked God for the power He bestows upon anyone, no matter what his or her history, for just believing. I have asked and pleaded all my life for things. It would be so remiss of me not to remember to praise and thank God for His power in my life.

I want to dream of flying again. For this awakening I press towards what remains of my living days on this planet earth as a human being. I am grateful.

DREAM of the Kilo Year

June 2, 2016

This dream two nights ago took me to a new level of dream reality. My dreams have nothing to do with my faith as that is like a rock – but sometimes they seem to allow me to have another reality. A reality now where there is no disability. There is so much as an finite human I have still to learn; so many talents that none of us bring to light because we do not know, or do not believe strongly enough to manifest the being of these gifts.

All my life, since a few nightmares when I was a child, I have had AMAZING dreams.My father did too. They are (some people have asked me) in color, and it has been easy to sometimes awake and then go back to sleep and pick up where I left off.

My dreams have been answers two prayers, at least twice that I remember specifically. I love my dreams.

I wasn’t in a good place in this dream. Very rarely have I personally ever been afraid in a dream, and through I cannot remember what the dream was (that is rare too as sometimes my dreams stay with me for days or indefinitely) – I was frightened.

Since my puppy was big enough to jump on the bed, each morning I awake with him lying next to me. I open my eyes and he is sound asleep next to me, or I awake to his eyes looking directly into mine.

Back to the dream. That morning I did open my eyes – I wanted to leave the dream I think – but apparently, not really!  I put my arm around the sleeping dog and closed my eyes and went immediately back to sleep.

The dream began again, but this time I wasn’t frightened – my puppy was right next to me and I had my arm around him. I was no longer afraid. He was absolutely with me.

What is so unusual about this dream is it is the first one that I have come back to this reality, and taken “someone” with me into my dream. Though I have no memory of what the dream was at all, I remember I was no longer frightened. I could feel his chest rise and fall with each breath – and he was awake and checking the perimeter around us.

I woke up and my arm was still around him, but this time he was alert, and checking the perimeter around us. It still amazes me because he came into the dream upon my need and request.  He has begun to stay with me every step I take…almost as if remembers……

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Dream

March 4, 2016

“My life is like a continually changing convergence of forms, a kaleidoscope of ever moving- breathing- me.   On the outside I have softened to a sweet and tender place.  Yet inside I am like the hard seed in a cherry or a plumb, unable and unwilling to succumb to being eaten by this world. God placed the seed and it is in my heart until my last breath. I choose to acknowledge it and with intellect allowed my feet to be directed to my futures.”

I will never give up and never give in.  I will continue to repeat the mantra reiterated in the first paragraph. I am not empowered by the spirit of this world.

Abruptly as we finished unloading the boxes, there was a knock at the door. The man told us we needed to put on shoes, grab a bag, and head to a meeting place several blocks away. The neighbor’s homes were scattered on this big piece of land, but close enough to wave and yell hello. My new neighbor yelled, “Come on we need to get there quickly.

Try as I may I couldn’t find shoes and finally gave up, borrowing my sisters slippers. The family drove in two cars, my husband and son and myself, and my sister and her eldest son.

When we arrived at the “center” we were told to sit quietly and then moved to another area where we were allowed to choose a seat in a small group.   My husband sat next to me . Though because of my recent operation and the back injuries that I sustained several years ago I could not find something adequate.

A man, of Asian descent came up behind us and told me to settle down and handed us a cookie and a glass of something to drink.

All the while I felt that while were viewing what had been told was a “movie” for the neighbors, our homes were being ransacked neatly and carefully. Somehow I envisioned every corner and hiding place were being painstakingly gone through and replaced carefully to look as if no one had been there at all. The dogs knew, but I knew they would know to watch for their safety as well, and might think it good to remain out of sight.

After scoping in all the small groups around me, there were about five of them, I noticed there were peoples of all ages, health, and race – with the exception of Asian. I saw anyone that was Asian was working, male or female.

Within a brief time my husband was becoming irritated for my comfort, and was slapped several times and told to sit down. Fear began enveloping everyone in the room and we knew it had begun.

One by one individuals were selected and placed in a special chair – gone over and told what was really each person’s ailment or need. Someone was dispatched to replace the brace on my lower left side – to the opposite side. It didn’t matter how I protested, it was done.

My husband, nephew and sister were taken out of view. After reviving the injury to a selected correction, I was placed in the chair. I was angry and fearful and told them to stop. I felt pressure on the top of my chair and I was dropped out of view of the others

I found myself sitting in a chair opposite to an Asian woman – I have no enemies – no bigotry within me, but distinctly the woman was tiny (as were the men- short, that is to say), and with a distinct look in the face and eyes. The woman was stern and had scissors in her hand.

I said, “DO NOT CUT MY HAIR.” It is my hair. She told me, “Oh I won’t.”

The next thing I remember is feeling the back of my hair and instead of waist length, it was cropped short and had almost a roosters top piece. I was so angry. But my anger was ignored. I wanted to reach out and grab her and tear her apart – I was so angry with all of it. I couldn’t.

I silently cursed her. With my lips closed I did something I have not done for eons of time and cursed her over and over again..I knew there was an evil power in the curses.  I looked for my husband and he came to me – much shorter and almost placid in appearance. My nephew appeared too, and he was silenced and subdued. We were told we could leave.

I asked my husband if he was all right and he said that the Marine training had been more severe, just different. My nephew did not speak.  I could not find my sister.

We got up and walked towards the door. The rooms were still full and yet it was quiet.

Outside cars and trucks were parking and leaving, always directed by someone Asian.

The last thing I remember is waking up in my bed and sitting up abruptly. The happiness was gone and a hard stern look was upon my face. I was absolutely traumatized and felt an angry demeanor within my personal realm.

I found myself walking towards the kitchen, and the tears began to flow. It was over for now. For now.

 

 

Dreams: Mental Images during sleep? Another reality?

April 11, 2015

The place was unknown to me, but there was a familiarity about it.  Tiny tight streets filled with tightly woven businesses. No vehicles, not even a bicycle. Open doors that led to well-lit rooms that seemed so small. It was difficult to tell the time as the sky seemed somewhere between dusk and darkness. The small streets moved upward with an incline that made it almost a chore to move that way.  I knew there was a river down below.

I climbed the circular stairs to a small wooden building and walked boldly into the empty space. It was apparent someone lived there, but the quiet was all around me. Steaming pots rolled their substances in boiling bubbles, while lightweight curtains moved slightly pushing out the open window.

There was a bed in the corner and a small fireplace that sat neatly in the middle of the floor within a container that protected it from lashing out. Coal burnt hotly and I looked below to see the last rays of the sun before the earth turned to the dark side.

It was a strange little place, compact and cozy; within the place your could grasp everything one would need to survive comfortably. I noticed the feeling of a familiar, but unknown presence. It left a spirit of calmness about me.

Ii walked to the open space to pass through to another room. No door, just an area big enough to move from one place to another. Before I did so, I saw a shining instrument sitting in the corner to the left of the door.

It was like a harp, a magnificent instrument that I might have dreamed of playing in another time. I withheld my desire to touch it with thoughts that automatically were respectful of its owner.

As I walked across the threshold to another place the inside became a brilliant mix of protective covering and yet the ceiling was open sky and now the stars sparkled with a blinding brilliance, yet softened by, to my knowledge, space untouched by living creatures.

I saw three handsome me. One spoke to me. He was from the neutered gender, and was warm and charming. He wasn’t sad.  He was muscular and I could tell right away,  kind and true.

The two other men were gentle souls. It didn’t matter, as we were all fixated on something more beautiful than I had ever seen. So simple yet there was elegance

I was spellbound for the moment.

Without warning I found myself leaning forward and bursting into flight and became a presence above the entire setting. It was something I had dreamed of doing before these past years, something I had done, but that was years ago, and when I really could remember how to do it. Then it was necessary to think about lifting and then bending forward slightly as I increased my speed to be able to relax and glide easily – even between buildings tightly woven together. I reached heights and watched, then swooped to glide over where ever I chose to fly.

This time I simply lifted without thought and angled slightly to direct my path above the partially closed building. It was as I had remembered but much less the task of preparation. I just enjoyed the feeling and watched the activity below me. I caught the handsome man peering at me and smiling. I smiled back.

I turned my body and felt as if I was floating on my back in water. A shooting star crossed the path of my eyes and I smiled again.

Again without warning, I felt something touch my hand and then gently lick it.

I opened my eyes and it was the puppy sitting next to the bed. His big eyes told me he needed to go out so I got up, this time on my feet, and took him out. Everything was quiet except the singing of birds and the rustling of leaves in the trees.

The sun was not yet in full view.

I wonder if this will be one of those dreams that will pick up where it left off, or one that simply is speaking to me in bits and pieces. There was no color in this dream, but it wasn’t necessary. It was lovely, and it seemed to be preeminent.