Posts Tagged ‘unemployed’

Times are tough. Out of work? Newly out of work? Trying to make ends meet?

October 23, 2015

“Times are tough now” I heard someone say.  I thought that to my knowledge, human times have always been tough.  My husband came home from work last night exhausted.  He has a dynamite work ethic, loyalty to his company – and he always goes the extra mile.  It’s so unfair to him that I am no longer able to do what I used to do before becoming disabled.

What about you?  Is your husband, or mate, or partner or whatever name you use for the person you share your life with, able to find work?  Newly out of work?

If you have children, are a single parent, or have the similar good traits my husband has, it has to be one of the most difficult times in your lives.  But no worries, just when things quiet down and are in hand, another challenge will arise for you to meet!  I’m not kidding and I’m not being sarcastic.  It is the truth.

Just keep in mind, if you love someone, you really have no choice but to continue endeavoring to make ends meet.  Nothing was ever handed to us, and my husband looks at me when I commend him for all his work and he simply says, “I don’t have a choice.”

You don’t if you don’t want to be a dependent product of this society.  You can scheme and cheat, but you will never be at peace within – unless of course you are a politician!  That’s a whole different story.  At least a billion dollars spent on attaining the office of president all added up.  It is ridiculous.  It is also ridiculous that as soon as the politicians start “smoozing” the public, suddenly there are no wars, no starvation, no illegal immigrant problem.  The only thing happening is a bunch of people (maybe one or two still with morals and values) – fighting to be president.  I digress……

Be careful when there is no work.  The tendency for humans is to seek relief.  “Take the edge” off of the stress.  “Relax for a while.”

This gives birth to a whole new problem.  Relief with alcohol, prescription drugs, illegal drugs, an affair (sadly this can happen) – an entire spin-off of new problems that can be worse than pinching pennies. A newly inadequate way to handle the problems is to turn to technology.  Technology, for all its wonder, is TEARING THE STRENGTH OF AMERICA into shreds. Disassembling the family.  Any poor way to handle problems can be found on the Internet.

It fills the heads of children and adults with UNrealistic persons who seem to care. Adventures that take a person away from REALity.  It is one of the most dangerous weapons that was ever created.  There is a prophecy in Native American culture that says when there is a web around the world,it is the beginning of the end.

MONITOR yourselves.  Be aware of signs and signals that may suggest that something else besides exhaustion is going on.  I have NO concrete answer for handling all that can happen.  I only have suggestions.  Some suggestions that, I have seen over the years, really help to mend the tear in the foundation of your family or the persons in your life that matter.

My best selection of ways to get through this is from people I have known and counseled over the years – 40 years.  (That’s scary and another adventure to face: aging). Back to current times.

  1.  Pray, trust God and seek fellow human beings that believe in similar things.  Where there are two or three gathered together, there is power untold provided to us.  But this resolve calls for FAITH.  It calls for believing in power that cannot be seen; in trusting in more than you.   My faith has increased substantially since my accident.  I was called upon to use what I’ve always said I have, and that was my faith and belief of the power of prayer.  I’ve seen others heal through “using” what they verbally say they believe.
  1.  Keep looking.  Think about  “realistically” seeking a modified position of your old career – or a new career entirely.  Keep looking.
  1.  Sit down with your VIP and discuss ways to cut expenses.  Plan meals – it is cheaper than fast food and better for you.  If you PLAN, you can cut costs.
  1.  Say NO to frivolous purchases.  Don’t just snap, but give others the benefit of being a human (often a child WILL understand as appreciate being included)  We all “want things”.  LIMIT TV and COMPUTER time.  That limits commercials.
  1.  Keep a positive attitude.  Don’t fight about petty things.  It takes two to make a war.  Use your intellect.  Use love.  Stay hopeful!  PRAY.

This is for Janie

October 14, 2011

Dear Janie,

I am sorry it’s taken so long to respond. Life seems to come
in between what we really want to do, sometimes, and what we
must do.

“The message I keep getting is he’s not going to change, so I have to change myself. I feel like I’ve worked very hard at that over the years, but here I am still.”
I don’t think the counselors mean you have to change yourself…but that you have to accept the fact he won’t change, and if you are still unhappy YOU have to quit accepting this life that is making you miserable, and CHANGE IT. You have to CHANGE punishing yourself, and get the problem into focus.
You have to change, in yourself, the blatant acceptance of a situation you abhor.
“Right now I do have to say, he’s really trying.” Did he actually come up with something, or keep trying?
I know a gal who said her alcoholic husband is “really trying this week”. To me it sounds like her husband is being treated like a two year old.
I hope she sometime realizes he is a man, and one week of trying does not make a lifetime. Do you see what I am getting at Janie? I never speak of anything that has not occurred I the experiences of my life, so I can relate to giving an x-husband a “pass” for trying. Sadly, things never changed, and that is why he is my x husband.

“Sometimes he’ll be sitting watching TV and I’ll be screaming inside. I never relax. I’m always going through the money, trying to fix things, punishing myself for not becoming a lawyer or something. If we ever do anything social, I come home depressed, because everyone seems to be doing so well. Same thing when we visit our families, who always seem to have new cars or are going on great vacations. It’s not that I’m envious, although you might jump to that conclusion–one thing you learn is that this is a taboo subject. No one will ask about it. They all become very uncomfortable. So it’s always the same old small talk and the relationships don’t feel genuine at all. Then we’re invited to weddings and it’s always awkward, because everyone is giving these big gifts. So you begin to isolate yourself. ”

These are your words Janie. You sound terribly unhappy and depressed, and in my prospective I think it is time to change your circumstances.

THIS IS YOUR LIFE. It is fleeting and you have obviously done everything you can to make things better. Nothing is working. Now it’s time for you to do something to HELP YOURSELF for the rest of your life.
You said your therapists and counselors have told you to “change yourself.” I don’t think they meant YOU personally.
My suggestion is for you to CHANGE your situation…and then after the initial adjusting to a new life (I would say without this man) – you will have changed yourself to be a happier person.
I hope you have courage and do not resign yourself to a life of misery. I would rather be alone than to feign happiness and in my mind know I am unhappy and want to scream. WHY SHOULD YOU STAY IN THIS MISERY?