“My life is like a continually changing convergence of forms, a kaleidoscope of ever moving- breathing- me. On the outside I have softened to a sweet and tender place. Yet inside I am like the hard seed in a cherry or a plumb, unable and unwilling to succumb to being eaten by this world. God placed the seed and it is in my heart until my last breath. I choose to acknowledge it and with intellect allowed my feet to be directed to my futures.”
I will never give up and never give in. I will continue to repeat the mantra reiterated in the first paragraph. I am not empowered by the spirit of this world.
Abruptly as we finished unloading the boxes, there was a knock at the door. The man told us we needed to put on shoes, grab a bag, and head to a meeting place several blocks away. The neighbor’s homes were scattered on this big piece of land, but close enough to wave and yell hello. My new neighbor yelled, “Come on we need to get there quickly.
Try as I may I couldn’t find shoes and finally gave up, borrowing my sisters slippers. The family drove in two cars, my husband and son and myself, and my sister and her eldest son.
When we arrived at the “center” we were told to sit quietly and then moved to another area where we were allowed to choose a seat in a small group. My husband sat next to me . Though because of my recent operation and the back injuries that I sustained several years ago I could not find something adequate.
A man, of Asian descent came up behind us and told me to settle down and handed us a cookie and a glass of something to drink.
All the while I felt that while were viewing what had been told was a “movie” for the neighbors, our homes were being ransacked neatly and carefully. Somehow I envisioned every corner and hiding place were being painstakingly gone through and replaced carefully to look as if no one had been there at all. The dogs knew, but I knew they would know to watch for their safety as well, and might think it good to remain out of sight.
After scoping in all the small groups around me, there were about five of them, I noticed there were peoples of all ages, health, and race – with the exception of Asian. I saw anyone that was Asian was working, male or female.
Within a brief time my husband was becoming irritated for my comfort, and was slapped several times and told to sit down. Fear began enveloping everyone in the room and we knew it had begun.
One by one individuals were selected and placed in a special chair – gone over and told what was really each person’s ailment or need. Someone was dispatched to replace the brace on my lower left side – to the opposite side. It didn’t matter how I protested, it was done.
My husband, nephew and sister were taken out of view. After reviving the injury to a selected correction, I was placed in the chair. I was angry and fearful and told them to stop. I felt pressure on the top of my chair and I was dropped out of view of the others
I found myself sitting in a chair opposite to an Asian woman – I have no enemies – no bigotry within me, but distinctly the woman was tiny (as were the men- short, that is to say), and with a distinct look in the face and eyes. The woman was stern and had scissors in her hand.
I said, “DO NOT CUT MY HAIR.” It is my hair. She told me, “Oh I won’t.”
The next thing I remember is feeling the back of my hair and instead of waist length, it was cropped short and had almost a roosters top piece. I was so angry. But my anger was ignored. I wanted to reach out and grab her and tear her apart – I was so angry with all of it. I couldn’t.
I silently cursed her. With my lips closed I did something I have not done for eons of time and cursed her over and over again..I knew there was an evil power in the curses. I looked for my husband and he came to me – much shorter and almost placid in appearance. My nephew appeared too, and he was silenced and subdued. We were told we could leave.
I asked my husband if he was all right and he said that the Marine training had been more severe, just different. My nephew did not speak. I could not find my sister.
We got up and walked towards the door. The rooms were still full and yet it was quiet.
Outside cars and trucks were parking and leaving, always directed by someone Asian.
The last thing I remember is waking up in my bed and sitting up abruptly. The happiness was gone and a hard stern look was upon my face. I was absolutely traumatized and felt an angry demeanor within my personal realm.
I found myself walking towards the kitchen, and the tears began to flow. It was over for now. For now.